give me some comfort

[blueprint]

Guys I have a question.
What guys want in a girl? Beauty, simplicity, caring…..
I feel bad that a guy refused me. I can’t understand why.
Do I look that bad that he has refused me? I feel so sick and depressed
Please give me some comfort and love?

[lefty]

blueprint, though I'm a woman, I thought I could provide some sort of answer here...

The first thing you have to realize (it took me a really, really long time and many, many failed relationships to get to this point) is that YOU aren't the one who should be trying to attract the perfect mate by doing what you perceive is the best way to get one. You are wonderful the way you are, and most likely, even if you try to change things about yourself, the changes will only be superficial and you will eventually revert back to your regular self, or build up deep resentments because you have created a self that isn't true. YOU should decide what it is that YOU want from a relationship and don't give in. That doesn't mean try to change people that you find who you think are the "one", but wait until that "one" comes along who meets all of the things that are important to you. I know that sounds pretty unrealistic, but I promise its the best way. I know from experience that if you try to overlook something about a person, say his need to bite his fingernails at the dinner table, (even though nail biting is one of your biggest pet peeves) because you think you love them and it couldn't possibly bother you that much...well, it will. You will end up hating it more and more and hating yourself for compromising.

And when I say make a list of wants, I don't mean stupid things like: his hair color, what type of clothes he wears,--any of the superficial sh*t that doesn't make a person. Think about what kind of person he is..is he easy going? Adventurous? physically strong? Emotionally strong? Does he express himself well? Does he hide his feelings? Did he go to college? Did he not? Does he read? Does he like....whatever, you fill in the blanks, but think about things you care about, he doesn't have to care about all the same things, but he needs to come from a mindset where he can appreciate the things you care about and be capable of carrying on conversations about things that are important to you. Have qualifications: steady job, his own car, doesn't live with parents...

There is nothing wrong with having standards and you certainly shouldn't be trying to change yourself to find someone. You want to be real and you want to find someone who is real.

[CrazyDog]

And when you stop looking for Mr. "Right" is when he will appear.

[who am I]

I found that the moment you truely realise that you don't NEED anyone else to live you life. You meet the one.

I have been so incredibly lucky to meet my other half. We had both seperately come to the realisation that although it would be nice to share our life with someone we don't need them. And then we met each other.

[JasonRaub]

Blueprint For Me Rejection Really Hurts I was Rejected By A Girl She Dumped Me All Because Im Emotionaly Unstable Who Could Putup With Me?, Im The Happyest Kindist Person One Minute Then Like The Flip Of a Switch Turn Into The Meanist Nastyist Person You Could Ever Meet Two Faced So To Say. Ive Been Suasidel Everyday Untill I Got My Medication Now i Just Cry Alot I Still Hurt Like Hell Too But It Keeps The Monster In Me Sadated, The Reason i Wanted To Die I Wanted The Monster To Die. I WOULD HUG YOU IF I WERE THERE HUGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME..........

[Bessie]

Blueprint For Me Rejection Really Hurts I was Rejected By A Girl She Dumped Me All Because Im Emotionaly Unstable Who Could Putup With Me?, Im The Happyest Kindist Person One Minute Then Like The Flip Of a Switch Turn Into The Meanist Nastyist Person You Could Ever Meet Two Faced So To Say. Ive Been Suasidel Everyday Untill I Got My Medication Now i Just Cry Alot I Still Hurt Like Hell Too But It Keeps The Monster In Me Sadated, The Reason i Wanted To Die I Wanted The Monster To Die. I WOULD HUG YOU IF I WERE THERE HUGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME..........

Can I suggest a daily dose of Dr Phil? His book, and even better the book on tape or CD, gives you good strategies to deal with life. There are certain psychological tools that are available to everyone. Listening to Dr Phil speak is very encouraging. He's very persuasive. Medication is good if it helps but you need more than medication. I was on medication for 17 years before I was finally hospitalized and received the help I needed. Supportive people. I mentioned in another thread, if you have a crisis line in your area phone them, don't try and deal with this on your own. And take it easy. If you need to cry, cry and say to yourself "For now I need to cry, but I won't always feel this way." Promise yourself that you're going to do whatever it takes to achieve mental health. (Whatever is legal and moral of course, because that's the only true way to true mental health). Dr Phil calls it putting it on "Project status". And I agree with you hugs are important. Here are some from me oooooooooooooo