I need help with my parents!

[Robert_D]

Hi all. I'm new to this, and I need help with my parents. Here's the story:

My parents have been married for almost 40 years. By the time I was born, they had been married for around 20 years. I am an only child.

For most of my life, my parents have not had a very stable relationship. For the most part, we were a happy family, but every few months, serious arguments would ensue. These arguments were ALWAYS over financial issues.

I believe my mother is addicted to gambling. She oftentimes leaves for the day, without saying a word about where she's going. She will come back, claiming to have gone shopping, but returns with few items and with a Odometer that begs to differ. The closest casino in our area is a fair distance away, and the cars trip meter doesn't lie. My dad checks these things, and when he confronts my mother about it, she gets defensive, yells, and demands a divorce. She then proceeds to "leave forever", only to return a day or two later. My parents then make up, promise to "change," and the cycle repeats two months from then.

Now, this has happened often while I was growing up. Currently I am attending college, 4 hours away from where my parents live. They have not had any major arguments in the past year, except something major just happened this past week. I called my father on Wednesday evening and he told me that my mother had "left for good." I was just able to contact my mother this morning, and I asked her what had happened. She told me that my dad had yelled at her, degraded her, and told her to leave. She was genuinely upset over this and was crying the entire time. I have never heard my dad say anything like this before. I called my dad, and he said that my mother had spent a large amount of money on an online poker site, and that after confronting her about it, she got angry, packed her bags, and left.

Here's what I think. Knowing both of my parents very well, I believe that my mother gambles with large amounts of money and loses it. She then begins to invent a story in her head that proves her innocence. Once my dad figures out what happened, she gives him a story and calls him a liar, abuser, and manipulator. I think that she believes what she says, even if it isn't true. She constantly tells me that my father had a stroke recently, and that he needs to have a physical. My father is very healthy and shows no signs of a past stroke, but he is getting a physical soon to appease my mother.

In summary, I believe my mother is a habitual, compulsive liar who is addicted to gambling and can't manage money. This causes a lot of stress on the family and puts a great financial burden on my father.

I don't know who to talk to or where to go. I'm completely lost. Please, can somebody point me in the right direction? My parents cannot effectively communicate with each other, and I am the only link that can communicate with both of them.

Thank you,
Robert D.

[Ashes]

Being the only link for their communication really puts you in a hard and stressful spot. I'm sorry to say but if your mother doesn't realize how much of a problem she has now may not be the time for seeking help. She has to admit and accept that she has a problem before anything can help her. I found this number I hope it may be of help to you.
You could see if this site helps you any. Good luck
Gamblers Anonymous Meetings in North Dakota
NATIONAL HOTLINE 888-GA-HELPS (888-424-3577)