Hadenough

[turquoise]

Hey there.
I have now had enough.
At the beginning of the year I took 100mgs of diazepam ended up in ICU and discharged the next morning. I am atm major time pissed off it was not my choice to go to hospital. It haunts me. I cant remember even ending up in an ambulance let alone anything else. I wish I had been left alone.
ATM I want to be with my dad. Dead. I know theres no heaven or anything similiar. All I want is oblivian. Like when I took the overdose. That would be so nice to be in a place thats nothing. That that is what death actually is dead. Like turning a light off. Thats it.
Done something bad but elating in a way today.\My partner controls my meds he has a friend of hours who works in a pharmacy in a different city so she collects my meds gives them to my man then he locks them away. I get the meds prescribed by my pdoc.
Well lucky me!!!! Rang my GP yesterday for another script for zoplicone and diazepam!
He did and I got them to send it to the pharmacy here. Its like yeh I have some control back. Sick of people who have no idea wot this fucking illness is like.
Had enough. ?Hopefully this no fuck wit will intervene. How dare the ambulance people make me go to fucking hospital. I tole them like three times that I arent going. Well wish I had taken a decent amount of diazepam rather then my miserable effort.

[anonymous123]

have you tried switching your medication, it doesnt sound like its working. i hope you find peace and strength , eventually we will all die for now try to live day by day , good luck.