anonymous123

so my family seems to think nothing was wrong with me or what im going through is nothing, they joked about it said its nothing to me, and i could die at any moment, sometimes the urge to just kill myself is so overwhelming, the only reason im here is because of prayer because of the peace that comes with it and my spirituality, i hate everyone around me , my friends my family all i see is their negativity , its like being surrounded by dysfunction all the time it makes you sick, i feel sick, i ...

today I felt loved.

i love my friends today we had some good laughs it was great , we played games and talked and messed with other friends, i am grateful for my friendships, they let me get away from my head too much thinking does you in you know. i went somewhere by myself but it was very brief but i felt okay i didnt even need my music it was great tomorrow im gonna go somewhere by myself but longer
i feel good , my anxiety felt under wraps it was rare and wonderful , it was like being free , well my ...

i still cant go places alone , my anxiety gets the best of me it sucks , i cant believe i cant do something so basic. I feel ashamed.

my stomach is killing me, i feel sick. I feel lonely its night its 3:16. i feel awake but ive been getting these headaches. i feel a little restless. my depressions been odd, every time i wake up i feel like dying but the day is fine then at night i get lonely, but that makes sense. ive been going out a lot so thats good my paranoia's been basically gone, im getting better at dealing with the stares , sometimes i wish i were numb, but i remember when i was younger i was and it was just as bad if ...

today was a nice day, i hung out with my friends bought a birthday gift for a friend, my friend even bought me a toy ball, it was nice. i was tired so i took a nap but like always i wake up with this feeling of deep sadness it kinda makes me want to die, i immediately feel this when i wake up as soon as i open my eyes its there , which sucks because i have a great life, its always been this way i dont know why , i wish it would end.

i haven't slept in a day , i feel very energetic, i feel content, life is okay , i feel bored at this moment, i am grateful for life, i love the sun and the air and the sky, i am alive. i hate when my brain feels like mush, and sometimes i feel like im slipping in between reality and not reality its the most weirdest scariest feeling ever , i am grateful to be fine at this moment but that out of control mind thing happened a couple days ago, it was scary. i am grateful for now i am alive i am here ...

Accept and you become whole,
Bend and you straighten,
Empty and you fill,
Decay and you renew,
Want and you acquire,
Fulfill and you become confused.

The sage accepts the world
As the world accepts the Way;
He does not display himself, so is clearly seen,
Does not justify himself, so is recognized,
Does not boast, so is credited,
Does not pride himself, so endures,
Does not contend, so none contend against him.
...

i kinda feel like killing myself like just ending it all i wont but i really feel like it. life is good right now but i still feel like shit. this is horrible how do i deal with this how can i make this go away i hate knowing that it will end only to surprise me again, its terrible. i feel awful. i want to die.

its lonely i feel sad

i went out with my friends today and they notice how often i get stares( i know its because of my body i have a lot of curves i know its normal) and it makes me feel very uncomfortable, i know they stare because of my body but my mind goes into panic mode and i get all jumpy and sweaty and sometimes the paranoia sets in about danger and murder, i just want to be able to go out and feel okay. i was also discussing my past and i never realized how often people touch me like out of playfulness and ...

im grateful for life, for family, for my friends, for joy for peace, im grateful for god and im grateful to be alive. i am happy.

i was thinking about how i feel uncomfortable around people sometimes , well lately its been better but then again i took the easy way out im staying at a place were theres less people lol, but i do feel more comfortable, anyways i noticed men make me feel uncomfortable, like guys my age im fine with i feel safe but with strangers and just men outside i feel uncomfortable, i do communicate with older men sometimes like the ones that approach me but l if im in the bus and theres men ill feel uncomfortable ...

i have been doing well since i started taking my medicines celexa and abilify, my paranoia has been almost gone. i was paranoid about people being in my head and people trying to kill me and demons and stuff. i dont really like being surrounded by people i get paranoid that theres a focus on me, and sometimes people fuel that paranoia without knowing it like at school there was a teacher who i never knew about and he recognized me and it freaked me out a bit or the other day a stranger at the doctors ...

theres so many emotions i feel like i could explode but theres no tears theres just a hunger to die . i want to end it all so badly its like an ache for death. its scary. i justified it in my head, i want to i feel like i could right now theres absolutely nothing stopping me no one need to know, i could do it, i can stop it all forever. i know the feeling will pass but i never wanted it like this , i wanted to kill someone once, it feels as strong as that its a frightening feeling. im scared i ...

i feel empty and down, i had a mini breakdown two days ago i cried for an hour there was some shaking but no headache or stomach pain so it wasnt that severe. life is okay, i feel tired a lot, i tortured myself , brought back memories and emotional pain to the surface, maybe i feel like i deserve the pain,like i need the pain,is that sick? sometimes i choose to bring pain to the surface instead of allowing joy and love to surface, i torture myself a lot. i cant seem to sleep, im grateful my paranoia ...

i hate my household, theres no room for growth nor do i feel completely comfortable even doing the most basic of things,its more than frustrating. I feel a bit more stable emotionally but i have random headaches and i sleep a lot , they switched me to celexa i fear that its weak and wont work , i feel nervous about going back to school, my family is nice but there's a lot of resentment i hold that i need to let go but they make it so hard, ugh i feel so blah.

Ive been feeling pretty low, i keep wanting to cry but theres no room here. i dont even know why,theres nothing to cry about. i cant wait for this to pass. i hope it passes.

I think the lexapro is working, i feel okay, less overwhelmed by my emotions. today was okay, being in the underground metro made me feel a bit uncomfortable too many people but i handled it pretty well, i hope i keep getting better. Im gonna start therapy soon still searching for a place but im getting there, hopefully schools okay.

I feel sick, im scared im going to die, i don't want to, its not right. My head is killing me, I don't feel okay. I feel empty, today was great, but i still feel empty.I feel like im dying inside and outside, my mind feels jumbled and body is failing. I want to be okay , I'd settle for numb. whats wrong with me? This is sick. I want peace so badly, i want the pain to go away, I want to live so badly , to just live, to be able to live.I keep crying for no reason, its killing me, I feel like a liar ...

I feel like I need to clear my head. I feel nervous about typing it, but its better than my family reading it. All my actions cause me panic, being alive is pure stress, i feel like every move is noted. I fear people can read my mind , even now as i write this i feel like somethings there someone in my mind or outside reading , kind of funny since im putting up a blog but thats a controlled sharing of my thoughts what i feel is well no control its an invasion. My siblings think Im insane, I know ...