Maggie

grrrrrrr!!!!!!

am sat here almost in tears dont wanna go anymore i just cant the emotions are overwhelming i know this is probably why am feeling poorly this week - it is such a weird mix of emotions i just cant explain it - i hate it I dont know what's harder and more distressing the fact that i should have done this long ago and still got a way to go before qualified - at uni today actually felt like i was drowning under a sea of paperwork! or the fact that i never thought it was possible i would be doing this - and judging by the fact the tears are now free fllowing over my keyboard (literally) i think it may be that! *gets up and finds some tissues* its strange this shouldn't make me so upset - it should make me happy. it should make me proud, but all i feel is pain and loss...i hate this feeling - but it feels like more than that it feels like utter disbelief, if anything it may even be the loss thing - ive lost the person i was, yes the person i was when at uni before but she's already long gone - more that im loosing the ill me the unwell me perhaps that im rebuilding my life, im going somewhere... ahh i cant explain it and if so why is this making me cry so much??? maybe tears arent a bad thing sometimes?? i just dont know i dont understand cant take this i want it all to be over to stop and dont wanna go im shit scared ill end up crying tomorrow and make a fool of myself!

xcoxoxo