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SecretSchizoid

Why am I a "secret" Schizoid?

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by
SecretSchizoid
on January 26th, 2010 at 7:20 AM (4663 Views)
I had never even heard of the term Schizoid until about a year ago. It turns out a "Secret" Schizoid is someone that blends into the world and pretends to be a normal or at least not a schizoid person to others. That has been me my entire life. If you don't know what a Schizoid it, it would be helpful to get a quick idea before reading any further. According to the people that come up with this stuff a A Schizoid is someone that is indicated by 4 or more of the following:



<DL>
  1. neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family
  2. almost always chooses solitary activities
  3. has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
  4. takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
  5. lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
  6. appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
  7. shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect
</DL>
The only one of those that does not apply to me is number 4. Having sexual experiences with another person is about the only reason I have not cuttoff contact with other human beings 100%. Also there is the job and money thing, but without the desire for sex ehh the job and money thing wouldn't matter so much.

Anyway.. back to what started the "Secret" Schizoid aspect. If you met me in person for the first time, you would have no idea I was "off." In fact, if I want to I can be very charming and sociable. It's generally not until people know me for a while that they start to sense there is something wrong with me, but even then they don't see the real me. They only see a very good actor pretending to be normal but since I am not normal I can't do it perfectly. Let me say though, that people don't ever discover that I am "acting" my personallity, I don't over do it and will let my weirdness show before I allow someone to discover my whole life and interaction with them is a big lie and act. Being discovered is the last thing in the world I want, so If someone is breaking me down I would rather lead them down the path to thinking I'm a homosexual (for example) than them knowing the truth (that I'm a Schizoid).

I have a lot to write, I will be writing more soon....
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  1. fw2010's Avatar
    fw2010 - January 30th, 2010 1:06 PM
    Maybe with your acting skills, you should try getting into it professionally. I would think that having no underlying personality to get in the way, you would indeed be a very good actor. Try it!

    BTW: the description you listed match me almost to a tee. I never considered that I may be schizoid. As you said, I have never heard of the term before.

    FW
  2. SecretSchizoid's Avatar
    SecretSchizoid - February 4th, 2010 7:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by fw2010
    Maybe with your acting skills, you should try getting into it professionally. I would think that having no underlying personality to get in the way, you would indeed be a very good actor. Try it!

    BTW: the description you listed match me almost to a tee. I never considered that I may be schizoid. As you said, I have never heard of the term before.

    FW
    While I appreciate the the encouragement acting professionally would make me miserable. I hate social interaction and my "acting" is because I am not normal but don't want it to be obvious to everyone within 5 seconds of coming into contact with me. It is draining though, physically and mentally. After a few hours of a social event I am exhausted and can sleep for 12 hours. There is no way I would want to do it proffessionally. Besides, I have a job that I feel I am grossly overcompensated for as it is.
    Updated February 16th, 2010 at 3:45 AM by SecretSchizoid
  3. josF's Avatar
    josF - May 11th, 2010 1:40 PM
    fascinating account secret schizoid. I recognize a lot of it in myself, including some but not all of your description of acting. That is like you I share a fear of discovery in many ways, except in a sense I'm not always that good at the acting. A lot of the time I stand out, or seem to fail to pass some basic 'coherence' test. In my youth I found it impossible to read people but have learned consciously to do this. Where I don't quite measure up to the description is that I both do and don't desire company (sex aside). I desire but don't seem to be capable of intimacy and as I understand it this may or may not disqualify me as a schizoid depending on the definition used. I prefer aloneness by and large but I don't like being isolated and I hate being awkwardly alone in social situation (some social phobia there). I can be both socially competent and socially hopeless depending on the situation. Most of the time though, however much a may feel as though I am fending off discovery it is the attitudes of others that make me feel different rather than me myself - I did wonder a little myself when reading your post whether you might actually a fellow victim of negative social comparisons (there's a lot of psychology literature out there about this). It can be a huge relief to be able to diagnose oneself with a recognized disorder (the feeling of "it not my fault there are others like me out there because it says so in the DSMIV"). Personally as someone who works in mental health I don't like the idea of defining oneself against a notion of normalcy. If there are others out there like you and there are maybe its better to think in terms of deviation from the mean (statistical analogy) I guess and from my point of view that's probably a good rather than a bad thing (even if there is safety in a crowd). Anyhow thanks for your interesting post, if only because it helped me to think about my own situation. JK
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