Ramblings

Hello again

Well at the moment I'm writing from my mothers place in Mt Morgan (bout 30minutes from Rocky) and I must say I'm quite cold!

I came down to Rockhampton following recent events and I must say it's been very hard. Catching up with old friends is great and always leads to heavy partying..but catching up with old friends under situations like this are just fucked. Much drink has been consumed over the past days let alone after the funeral (yesterday).

It's been incredibly hard also to see so many of my friends falling apart and recognizing the despair and self destruction in myself. Things have been getting much worse for me, especially when alone. Painful memories and thoughts tear through my head, hallucinations are becoming increasingly frequent again, though they are still just minor visions or sounds. The feeling is one of running at 100miles an hour just to stay in one place.

None of this is helped by sleep, or even sedation from alcohol as Í've found myself having increasingly vivid and terrible nightmares.

As I mentioned, some of the people very close to my heart have been breaking down all around me, one just realesed from the psyche ward after almost ODing on a mixture of Alcohol and Valium, another friend just admitting himself as he felt on the edge of a full blown breakdown.

I feel that I'm spending all my time caring for my friends, which I'm happy to do, but I cop the blame if I can't be there at a minutes notice because I'm dealing with my own pain.

Anyway...just needed to vent