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I'm looking forward to the day when I can watch a film w/ alcoholism in the storyline and not get triggered. i saw Crazy Heart w/ a friend of mine today, and even though i knew the basic plot, i wasn't prepared for how much emotions it brought up.

[movie spoiler]

Jeff bridges really did deserve the best actor oscar b/c the scenes where his character is so far gone from a drinking binge were so true to what i saw in j. when his binges were at their worst. it was hard to

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i've had a low grade headache for the past couple of days. I'm guessing it's related to the med decrease, but it's hard to tell for sure. tomorrow i was planning on decreasing the med dose another 50mg, i think i'll see how i feel in the morning.

Wed. i slept a lot, just took it easy. yesterday i slept in, but by the afternoon got some things done around the house and then later made some dinner that required some actual cooking.

i went to the gym again today, 1/2hr of

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i'm supposed to have a completed draft of of my thesis handed in for review by the end of the week and i'm (surprise) way behind. I keep getting sick. this stupid cold rainy weather won't let up, and i can't shake this head cold. i get a few days of feeling almost better, and then it comes back. yesterday i spent more time in bed than planned, and today i really should have stayed home from work but i really need the hours. now i'm back home and feeling rotten. i need to rest, i know. but every

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It was an ok day. i didn't feel any of the fatigue from the med withdrawal like i did the previous couple of days. i hope that means the rest of the dose decreases go well for going off cymbalta. i also went to the gym, and got some writing done.

i still feel like I did so little. i know i need to go easy on myself, and not judge myself according to how "productive" I was. it's enough that i got the things done that i set out to do. Little by little.

thanks for the encouragement on my papers. i'm getting closer, at least on one of them. i might actually have it ready by the due date (tomorrow). i think i'll hand in whatever i have at the end of the day. the other one, who knows, but i'm not as worried about that class.

i'm finally starting to feel excited about taking a break and seeing family. this who year has been strange for me as far as never quite remembering what time of year it is -- what i get for living in a place w/

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why do i do this to myself? all this time in grad school and i still don't have the discipline to sit down and write long papers. once again i've waited til the last minute. once again i'm staring at a sheet of paper, not even sure of how i want to put together an outline. once again i get easily distracted and get no work done.

i guess i've made some attempts to ask friends to help hold me accountable, to keep encouraging me, and that's good. i just have so little to show for it. i'm

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I went to a yoga class for the first time in many months. a free class in a nice studio, all levels of ability and experience: no excuse not to go. anyway, at the end the instructor was very good at helping us with a simple meditation, one of just breathing and noticing, to not get caught up in thinking or feeling the "right" thing, but just noticing.

the part that really stood out for me was when he asked the question, "Where are you?"

i was all over

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behind on blogging here, same w/ writing in my journal. trying to be easy on myself, considering i'm still adjusting to another new med and all. so far no more seizures, so that's a relief.

i got a call late last night from j, my ex. it was probably around 3am in his time zone. i assumed it was a drunk dial and didn't pick up. i finally listened to the message this morning, and i hate that i was right. the familiar slur to his voice, the one i came to recognize even when he could fool

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