BEING AWAY FROM HOME / FAMILY / CHILDREN / WORKING AWAY FROM HOME

'Being away' often means that changes have occurred, both in the person coming home and in those who have remained at home. In this age of modern technology, communication back home may have been taking place during separation. Sometimes, however, this communication can be frustrating for all concerned because problems may be shared, but neither person can effectively help in the other location.
Therefore, it is important to realise that although you may have been e-mailing, SMS texting or actually phoning each other, the type and quality of the communication is quite different to seeing each other 'face to face'. Furthermore, although coming home is exciting, and obviously something you and your loved ones and friends look forward to, it can also be stressful and will usually involve a period of readjustment. This period of readjustment doesn't have to be viewed as a 'roadblock' or 'stumbling block'; it can actually be used to build stronger relationships.
EXPECTATIONS AND TIPS
Some things may have changed at home, roles could have changed, children grown, and partners become independent in new or different ways. You also may have changed in your outlook, your beliefs and your priorities. You may be looking forward to the 'perfect reunion', but remember that perfection (just like beauty) is in the eye of the beholder, and your partner may have different hopes or expectations.
'TAKE IT SLOWLY' and 'TALK AND REALLY LISTEN TO EACH OTHER'
These tips are the building blocks for any relationship and they will help you get through. Other tips include:
• Remember that people (including you) may have changed;
• Curb the desire to leap in and take over the reins;
• Acknowledge the good things your family and friends have done during your absence – limit any criticism;
• Go easy spending your money – think and plan;
• Respect each other's personal/emotional space (including the children's); you will need to get to know each other again;
• Sexual closeness may be awkward at first as your hopes and beliefs may be different to your partner's – talk openly and respectfully about this issue;
• Be patient with yourself, your family and your friends;
• Watch the language!
• Previous problems may crop up again – do something about them this time;
• Include your family in any socialising;
• Be prepared to give and take;
• With children, go slowly and adapt to the new rules and routines that are now in place; and
• Things that worked before may not work now – new strategies/ techniques may be in place now, learn what they are.
FOR THOSE AT HOME
The returning family member or friend may have changed, and they may now be unused to a lot of things that were pretty 'normal' before. For example:
• They may be unused to crowds, the rush and throng of a city and the noise of a family,
• They may feel threatened by your new friends or supports, and wonder how they can fit back into your life, and
• They may want to take back all previous responsibilities.
A few extra tips are – avoid scheduling too many things or activities, go slow and be patient. Remind them that they are still needed and are still important to you.
A WARNING
If you identify readjustment problems talk to someone early so that guidance or assistance can be provided to you and your family as soon as you need or want it. You can talk to your doctor, padre, a social worker or psychologist – you and your family have a wide range of assistance available to you.