the moment when all went down.

[Facefrombelow]

I'm 18 years old. I have been diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago. Since then I've been taking Zoloft for some time and after that i quit and started taking Seroxat for not more than 2 months.. It wasnt helping much. But I believe that i had problems with depression much much earlier. I basically spent my whole childhood and puberty (14-17) doing nothing with my life. Well nothing I should have. I was a problematic kid from the beggining and at the age of 14 I already started running away from home, leaving school, drinking all the time, taking whatnot, not listening to anyone, etc,. But I believe that was much more normal than what I am going through now. I had friends who cared for me. I had a boyfriend who loved me. And some kind of a life. About a year ago i managed to lost it all in less than a month, make it completely vanish like it never existed. I started losing will to do anything, I couldnt get up in the morning, I even put black curtains on my window so the sun ''doesn't bother me..'' I refused to leave my room, go outside, do anything.. My friends have finished their schools and got their dplomas in the meantime, eventually gave up on me, moved on with their own lives, moved away.. And my boyfriend and I have broken up. I was completely alone, in the beggining even thinking thats what I want, I don't want anyone in my life, leave me alone, I'M FINE. But i wasnt.It's been a year now and I find myself here on a Saturday night sitting here on my computer, with nothing to do, completely depressed and crying myself to sleep because I realised what I've done with my life. I have no one to talk to anymore except my mum who is constantly telling me that this is all my fault and that I need to get myself out of this but I cant. I have no friends anymore, i refuse to go out and talk to anyone because I feel I would get rejected and I do not wanna show everyone how pathetic I've become. I saw my ex with another girl and that crushed me even more.. I now realise life is going past me, people are living their lives, everything is moving somwhere and im stuck here by myself. Nothing makes sense anymore. I would just want something or someone to help me out of this, I actually want to change this, I wanna get out and do stuff now but I have no one to do it with.. It's like no one cares. There's like alot more to this story than this but it would take much more to take it all out.. Has anyone here been in a situation like this...? Or is in it now...? I really wanna get back on track before the moment this all crushed down.

[dreamland]

You sound like you’re in a really difficult place right now. It’s a really scary thing, thinking that the world has moved on and where your place is in it. what really got me about your message is that you said “I do not wanna show everyone how pathetic I've become”, please realize that what you’re going through is not pathetic, its real, its hard and it takes a lot to understand and work with it. there are thing that can help, first off, speak to your friends, you may feel as if they have left, but its likely that they still think about, all you have to do is make the first step, let them know what’s been going on. However, you might feel that hanging out with the people you hung out with while you were on a downwards spiral might set you back, if so, it’s time to move on, and yes you can do this. Start thinking about you, what you want, what you deserve and what you’re going to get for yourself. I’m not sure if this is something you’d be interested in, but education can really help a mind that is unwilling. To give yourself some mental simulation, to have something else to think about other then depression. It’s also a good way to meeting people your age and begin friendships. I know that is message is really systematic and almost robot-like, and it’s all well and good to give advice like this, but it’s all too neat and tidy, and the world doesn’t work that way, but you really can make a change. It takes a lot, but you can pull yourself out of it, small steps, begin to trust yourself and the people around you again.
Hope that helps
Your friend
dreamland

[Yordan]

I think dreamland is right. It's time you did the steps which would help you get out of this. When I decided to move on and stop feeling depressed I had to make something like a revision- a compleete revision on my life, on the mistakes I'd made, on the things I wanted to figure out. I started off by analyzing the core of the problems- where they stemmed from, what exactly made me feel like that, what I could do to change it. In my opinion everyone has its own resources to cope with depression. Of course, I do not exclude the professional help that we can get from practitioners, but it is us that can make depression go away. I found somthing to think about (like dreamland advises you), found my goals, or just the things I wanted to happen in my life at that particular time. It's much easier when I do not dwell on the constant feeling of helpless and hopeless. Whenever a depressive thought comes in my mind, I try to replace it with its positive equivalent, or try to think about my plans. It doesn't always work, but in most cases it helps a lot.

There is a site macrofactor.com/en- they have online consultations on problems of different matters, and the people there will hear you out and give proper advice or treatment.