Is this normal?

[Jesse]

I have been struggling with depression for over a year now. It mainly comes from two main areas in my life. I have no confidence when it comes to approaching women. This has been ongoing, but lately I feel like I'm being rejected preemptively, without even having any intentions of making a move on a girl.

The second area is I have an extreme anxiety when it comes to my friends. I feel like I am not so much welcomed by them as tolerated because two of my close friends in our circle are so well liked. I am starting to become paranoid about this, rejecting my friends claims to the contrary because I feel like I've found some little proof that casts doubt on them.

At one point I was self medicating with alcohol to hide from my problems. I've stopped drinking at least until I get through my therapy, especially since recently it has not helped me to hide from my problems.

I am currently seeking therapy, but I don't start until Tuesday. Since admitting my problems to a professional and starting to seek treatment, my depression has gotten noticeably worse. My question here is, is this normal? Should I be feeling so much worse as I get closer to treatment?

[dreamland]

It’s hard to say what is normal, because we are all so different. But perhaps this is your mind subconsciously trying to make you back out of the therapy. I hear that a lot of people have trouble facing up to their emotions, this may be the case with you, as you said you have tried to cover up this side of you will alcohol? But what you should realise is that you have made the step and now it is only a day away, keep going for it, pull through and see if you like the therapy. It may see uncomfortable and unnatural but it is only because depression is usually something that we all wish to hide, so opening up seems pretty daunting. But when you open up you might be able to get a better look at yourself, and build your confidence. Also with the problems you have with your friends, it is very nature, (will it is for my anyway), depression usually gives low self esteem and what make ourselves believe that we aren’t good enough and that people shouldn’t like us. But hopefully now that you are taking the steps to get help you can start dealing with the real problems and not cover them up.
Big love
dreamland