hate the world with me please

[dreamland]

I find myself somewhat dis-enchanted with the world, I don’t look in awe of the things around me. I don’t think I ever have been in love with life, living and the world, perhaps it was more of a crush I had on living, but nothing more. I find living tiresome . . . I am despondent towards it. I’ve always believed in hedonism, but I am just not very good at it. I realise that I am a liar, I am jealous, I am all the things I said I wouldn’t be.

I hate the world, so therefore I should not have any problem with it hating it, but it doesn’t, and I can’t stand it, I will hurt the people around me, and try to drive them away, because I can’t stand their hope, their optimism, their “everything will be ok,” or “there is so much to live for” and most of all “you’re not helping yourself when you think like this.” I don’t want to look on the Brightside and be one of them.

I struggle with the bad person I have made, but hell is still other people. I just want someone to enjoy loathing with me, someone you understands that things aren’t great, and perhaps they never will be, someone who has given up but is still here. I just don’t want to hate the world by myself.

[darkness-]

i admit that i'm not that far yet but i'm getting closer to it day by day...
i'm not sure if i like it or not. i'm kinda sad to give up, cuz i dunno i just find it hard to give up but on the other hand it seems like the only safe option...

[dreamland]

I like your honestly, yeah I suppose in a way it is safe, its interesting that you said that as it is a rather rather journey, but now that I'm here, its different, its quiet, its only me, I'm the only person and everyone else is very quiet. . . Im still not quite sure if it is a good idea staying here or not . . . but feeling things and trying to be happy only makes me cry, it breaks me, I twist and I turn when I'm hopefull, Im uncomfortable and I know that feeling good is un-sensible.

[darkness-]

it's safe cuz you cant get hurt anymore, nothing can really affect you much...
maybe there is way to give up on everything to just say "fuck it" to everything but still enjoy life in your way... idk, but lately i've been becoming more and more convinced with the theory that life isn't supposed to be great. like you said, people are always optimistic, they always look for the good side, but what if they only think life is happy? what if life is actually sad and fucked up, it's own version of hell but people are just living in their illusion that life is a happy thing? we could be seeing the real ways of "life" whereas everyone else only makes up their happy world. it wouldnt help trying to convince people who've never seen this side that this is true. they'd only think you're really depressed and would pity you and what not. it'd end up in an argument (i've got experience). but it's not like they matter anyway.
i used to be afraid of good things, i wouldn't let myself into good things cuz i knew i'd get hurt afterward but now enjoying things is just a distraction. it's not really being happy but it's ignoring and getting a break from this heavy feeling pulling downward.

[fw2010]

I hate the world too, because it's all phony, plastic. People buy shit like iPhones and Blackberrys because they believe they need them, but I have been through this phase and these things don't do anything for me at all. I have no job now, and am going to run out of money within a year or so. I am living with my parents, and I'm no kid anymore. It sucks. I would like to be alone, with no one to bother me. I cannot get up the ambition to even look for a job anymore. My depression was the main reason I lost my job in the first place, and I can't imagine convincing anyone out there to hire me now.

I get really angry at the world a lot. I hear shit on the news, or read it online or in the newspaper. These people are killing the other ones, and those kill someone else. It will never end. Humanity is doomed.
I read about the "end of the world" scenario, which I do not believe, but wish sometimes it would actually happen. Just get rid of all humanity. The planet would be better off without us.

Right now, the only thing I enjoy doing in life is running. I run marathons, and will be running even longer distances soon. 50 miles, maybe more in one day! Running allows me to be alone even when I'm running with a crowd of other runners in a race. I always do well in these races, not winning, but feeling good and that I have given my best.
I am taking meds for depression, and they do help, but they don't fix everything. I feel that I need to get away, be completely alone for a while, but cannot afford it right now.

I think that anyone in this state needs a good distraction to help lift him or her out of the depression, if only temporarily. I realize that one cannot just "snap out of it", but there are temporary reprieves. For me it's running, and sometimes a computer game that I enjoy. Maybe there is something that will do it for you.

[darkness-]

i agree that i'd be best if humanity would get wiped off suddenly. i've always hated this way of living that humans have made (which is why i always admired animals), it'd be wonderful if it could all just end.

[AnxiouslyWaiting]

It's really hard to like the world that we live in - many days I ask what is there to like? War, famine, greed, pollution, and people. I realized a long time ago that there is no 'point' to life. But that being said, I have felt moments of pleasure that did make me truly feel 'alive'. The trouble I have most of the time is I am often so pessimistic about the world that it really makes it hard to enjoy myself. It's hard to be happy about my life when in the grand scheme of things it seems overshadowed by the awful things that are going on in the world. In any case, a good distraction is often enough to keep me going..

[dreamland]

Darkness, I read one of your posts and thought I’d contact you through mine. I hope things have picked up in some way?
Is it bad that what makes me feel better is hearing how others understand the pointlessness in everything? I get to a point where, so some reason, I can’t get myself up, I can only think of things that drag me further down, to the point where nothing feels real and I question existence as a whole. I’ve never been happy go lucky, but I’m not always doom and gloom and I can’t get my head around it all. I just have to wait till it passes, but it happens all so randomly, there is no explanation, no pattern in the way my moods go. I’m on an up now though, at the beginning of an up I always feel strange to it and I need time for my awkward mind to make sense of it. But as you guys have said, having something to do can make a difference, and I’ve been doing a lot of bike riding, which has also inspired me to buy a kayak so I can spend some time on water, which I find interesting.

[darkness-]

well, not really. i thought things would clear up a bit now that i've had my peace for a while but unfortunately nothing changed.
and it's not bad. it feels good to know that you're not the only one in the world. when i tell someone what i think of this world, it always end up in an argument with them yelling at me (mostly), so it also makes me feel better that i'm not the only one who thinks that this world and life has absolutely no point and reason...