what can i do ??????????????????? i'm suffering

[fml]

hi every body
i realy get bored of my situation and i didn't say anything of m feelings to any body before
i always pretend being happy but i'm realy not
i'm a girl and 15 years od my problem starts since i was 13 i'm depressed all the time and i don't enjoy anything in my life i let all my friends and changed my phone number (i don't know why) i feel i don't want to talk to anyone i try to have a new friends but i can't i'm not soicable at alland i have little social anxiety (not too much as in the past i'm better now )
but i still can't make conversations with people and have a new friends and lately i realy hated the school o don't study for any exam and i absent every week two or three days and some time i don't eat for two or three days
i don't have confidence and don't feel happy at all some days i just feel some happiness but then it's gone
i'm apathetic i don't care for anything
i hope that i get a dangerous disease or something and die or go through a coma for some mounths maybe then i feel that the life is nice or better
maybe something change
i don't have any ambition i don't know why i'm studying or living this life
i know you will tell me to try to help myself and i say i tried and tried but it just get worst i feel very hard that no one can listen to me or help me when i can't do anything to my self and get realy depressed
i just cry and take panadol night and sleep (can't live without it)
i'm realy suffering and i tried to harm my self several times
killing my self is the easiest thing to do but i'm a muslim and can't do that
i know that is not a solution so i don't kill my self
i can't talk to any one about my situation i always keep my feeling in my heart
although people around me always wondering why i'm wierd and they try to discover my personality but they don't know what happening to me
my teachers always talk to me and ask me why i don't study and i always absent and always sleep in the class on my table (thats make me feel better )
even our school counsellor always talk to me and want to know why i'm like this but i always say thats i'm fine and nothing bad with me
i realy want help
some times i feel i want to escape from our house but i know that's stupid
or sometime i want to go out i want to walk in a calm place i want to relax
but i can't
i'm just 15 no one let me to go out alone
i have to ask my sister if she want to go out or not if she don't want i stay at home
how can i wait until i get 18 to get a car

and i have another wierd problem ifeel like i don't want to grow up any more i can't imagine that i will be 17 or 18 that scaring me alot idon't know why

i have more much than these problems but i think that's enough to know about my terrible life
i'm sorry to talk that much

but i realy need some one to talk

and sorry for the little bad english

[vito]

Hi there
I red ur entire post, and that sounded just as if it was me talkin
My story is a bit... worse, but i'm not goin to say anything about it since we'll discuss "YOU" and only "you" in here

First of all, whatever is ur religion, don't u.. ever, think of killing yourself, I tried, and yes I did, it hurts so much, you can't even imagine, and in the end, somebody will end up saving your life ; It does never work.
Confidence is somethin gained "through time", u're still 15, u're still young to even say if u are self confident or not.
And u're not pathetic, u're one of the most... beautiful creatures I ever met, didn't meet u yet, but I think u are. to me, nobody's pathetic unless he chooses to be, if u keep sayin that u're pathetic and u're useless and all those negativ things about urself while u should be thinkin positively instead, whatever happens, u'll only end up being like "Ow i'm pathetic, why am I living"... NO
that's not it... it's just so wrong
Everybody's scared of the future, I was scared of being 18 too, but i'm 19 right now, and everything is like it was...
U have a courage to come in here and say what u feel, if it was me i'd have hidden it till the day I die, you're wicked, and divine, and whoever don't want to talk to u, or hang out with u is just a total RETARD.
Ur english ain't bad, I understood everythin so far, and u had to talk, and I listened, do u even know that 76.66% of tennagers worldwide are sociophobic and depressed ?! which means u're not the only one, that also should be taken under consideration.
U're a normal person, since the statistics shows that depressed and sociophobic teenagers are the majority of teenagers

And i'm sure u'll end up findin someone who'll do anythin for u, and who'll make u feel the way u should, if u kill urself u'll just prevent urself from gettin all what life's worth and those u can only get when u're 30 +.

After a hurricane, always comes a rainbow ;D

PS : BEST WISHES

[fml]

thaaaank u very much for your post you make me feel better
and i know that's is killing my self is not a good thing but some times some stupid ideas come to my head
like hurt my self or not drinking water until i go to the hospital i want to escape from my life
even if it's a few days
and you know i always think positively
i didn't and won't think in a negative way
but that's not benefitting me
i'm just saying the truth and what i'm feeling to make you understand my inner self
i know that there is a huge amount of people are depressed and hate their lifes
but when you go out and see the others are happy and you see a normal peoples
and you can't be like them you feel worse and worse
and thank you for your senses
i hope to you a happier life too
am i talking so much ??
you know i feel better when i talk
don't hide your feelings don't be like me
people don't know what happens to me so when i do anything wrong they blame me
talk to any one not necessary in the real life even if in the internet

[darkness-]

hey, i just read your post and well, i'm in the same situation as you pretty much. i'm also fifteen and have also been suffering for years. and i noticed that most people on here are much older (not that that's a bad thing or i'm complaining) but well we're the same age and are going through the same things so i just wondered if you wanna talk...

[fml]

i'm sorry i didn't understand you well
(my english isn't very good)
if you want to talk or say anything
be sure i'm always here (:
you are welcome whenever you want

[darkness-]

i just meant, we can talk or something if you want =]