hello my story starts with me moving to florida from ny 5 years ago to start over and then was living with my sister and gotten a job from blockbuster and that is where i met my boss. she and i started seeing each other, she was going through a divorce and i wasnt the first guy she went out with while that was happening but we started dating and things were good until i find out before me she slept with a mutual friend and from finding out that this guy was a dynamo in the sack that it gave anxiety and PE problems . she has three kids so time between us was limited but as long i had her i was fine but i wanted badly to pleasure her and couldn't. she was good about it for a year and then she was telling me she was afraid that things are getting serious and wanted to be just friends. that destroyed me because i thought it was because of the sex but she kept saying it wasnt. we were friends for a bit but i couldnt let go of my feelings for her and it got hard when she was dating another guy, around valintine day i find this out and got so mad at myself because i wasnt good enough that i tried to take my life with sleeping pills. some friends saved me and for a little while we didnt talk to each other then met up at a mutual party and started talking again and then i find out with my own eyes when she invited me over for a get together at her house that she was giving head to the guy she was seeing before me she didnt expect me to be there we end up talking and she tried to explain its a friends with benifits and nothing more . that was about a year ago and we have been trying to be friends but she knows how i feel and things escalated between them. she is 35 and he is 25 and im 29 and little by little im losing contact with her. all i do since we broke up is stay in my room and be anti social. i want her more than anything and just want to show her i can be better and there is nobody else i want but feel hopeless in just staying in contact. she wants to stay in contact but everybody around us dont want us to. i dont want anything else more in my life.i dont want to have a life without her. she tells me she dont love the guy she is with but it is safe but she is scared of how she affects me. all i want is to be wanted by her.