Outlet for my River of Pain

[UncomfortablyNumb]

Hi and thanks for reading this. I am new and have never done anything like this before, but I am getting pretty desperate. I've read a few threads and can relate to everything that is being said. I am between anti-depressants right now and I feel so flat... I don't really feel like I have any emotions, except anger that I can express or really feel. I feel like I have no purpose, no direction - and I can't think of any way to change this. I suffer from severe migraines just about every day, so I finally decided to apply for permanent disability. So my "career" is over. I am broke and can barely pay the rent. No health insurance for many years, I struggle just to pay a regular MD for migraine meds. Like many on this forum, I feel like my friends and family are just moving on with their lives and leaving me in the dust. I don't think they really understand. I live with my boyfriend, and although he loves me, he does not understand and doesn't talk much, and can't really provide the support I need. I have no one to really talk to about this that understands. I don't understand what the F I am doing here. I can't have kids, I have no money to pursue anything that I might be interested in like dance classes, horses, gym, etc and it really frustrates me. I don't even feel like talking to anyone on the phone anymore. I just watch tv and when I don't have a migraine, I run. I used to be able to take a walk, or do some positive self-talk, or call a friend to change my mood, but now I don't even want to. I am frozen and I too hate the world. Its corrupt and just for the chosen few. The rest of us without wealth are screwed. I hate that I sound so negative but this is what I got and I got to get it out. I think of suicide, but the problem is - its too permanent! lol I thought of writing - but I feel that is going to go the same way as my original music did - great stuff with rave reviews, but no way to reach the masses. I have 5 chapters into a book, but don't want to do all that work for the same result. Help I am drowning

[UncomfortablyNumb]

Sorry this posted three times! It kept saying some kind of error message so I tried a couple times.!

[ashlim27]

hello,im so glad to be in this forum.



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[diwata]

Hi ashlim27,

I'm new here too. I recovered from severe depression 2 and half years ago. I joined the group because I pretty much relate to everyone here.