Why do I have feelings like this?

[kfed1776]

For the past several weeks I have been feeling quite blue. The truth to all of it is that I do not know why I feel the way I do. There seem to be many little triggers that are causing me to feel the way that I do.

I have been dating a girl for nearly two years now. We have had a great relationship for the most part. We do not fight, we do argue from time to time, but for the most part are lives are pretty much happy. She has been struggling with her weight and self image lately and I feel depressed because of this. She continually says demoralizing things about her body and the way she looks that it makes me feel depressed. When she says these things, she is awaiting for me to rebut her with the opposite remark. If I do not immediately say, "Oh no, your not fat" or "you're not ugly baby", I get called a jerk. Her last serious boyfriend broke up with her because he told her that she was starting to looking pregnant. She constantly reminds me of this.

When we first met, she was very trim and ran every day. She was very petite and very attractive. She was very fashionable in her dress and was quite stylish, that's really what caught my eye. As we began dating and getting serious, I began to see her transform. I understand that many people get comfortable in a relationship and may pack on a few pounds. She has gained, at my estimation 50 pounds, and her style has changed into dressing like a man, because "t-shirts and jeans are comfortable".

I have always taken care of myself, eat right, and go to the gym regularly. Since we started dating, I have in fact become more muscular and trim. Not only for myself but for her. I have taken her to the gym with me, I cook her healthy meals everyday, and I keep a very positive attitude that she will meet her goals. Unfortunately, she became very lazy very fast. I have tried to keep her motivated. After eating my healthy meals, she usually doesn't eat all of it because she claims she is full, she asks for the ice cream out the freezer or wants me to go get her something sweet. I don't understand this. At first I denied, but as the weeks and months progressed I stopped caring. I realized quickly that she didn't care. That hurts. She joined a new gym that is designed specifically towards women, thinking that that would motivate her better, but in a two month span, she has gone twice maybe three times. I try to keep her motivated and I try to get her to at least take a walk with me every once and a while.

She claims that her job is causing her to be lazy and eat unhealthy. Granted she is very tired after working, but I am as well. She only works three days a week, but works 13 hour shifts when she does. I can understand being tired. She also works night shift, so as I am coming home from work, she is going. On her days off when I suspect that I will spend time with her, she spends most of the day time sleeping. I communicated my aggravation at this many months ago, but turned into our biggest fight. I have never brought it up again. She turned my argument to be my fault and that I was being selfish of her time.

I feel very depressed even talking to her about working out, eating right, or trying to be active, because it always turns into a fight about her working all the time and not being able to devote time to any of the aforementioned. We are going to the beach together in several weeks and I am excited. We have been shopping together, picking out beach wear. I feel like that was the moment that triggered my depression. I saw the swimsuit she picked out and it was like something my mom would wear. I saw all the sizes that she was buying, 14's, 16's, XXL's, and it made me feel even more depressed.

Not to mention all of the above we have zero sexual activity. We used to have sex every time we saw each other. We moved in together about a year ago and we had sex twice a week at first, then once a week, now it is once a month (if that) and she always says she is doing it for me, not for her. That makes me feel horrible, because I feel like I don't make her horny. We got in a fight last night because she told me that we were going to "do it all night" tomorrow night. I smiled. She yelled at me because I was not super excited about it. She also, claimed that the only time I smile is when she mentions sex. I explained to her that I am young man in my sexual prime and that I am horny all the time and scheduling our once a month romp was a bit disheartening. I explained that yes, I want to make love to her, but I know she will not be doing it for herself, but for me and that makes me feel horrible. Not only that, I feel as if we are no longer sexually compatible. All the things we used to do she complains about. I am "too aggressive", she "can't make those moves anymore", she doesn't "feel that changing things up all the time is exciting". It makes me feel like she just wants to get it over with very fast.

All of these little things make my eyes like microscopes when we do spend time together. My mind keeps picking all the little things out that are wrong. She continually yells at me because I don't "help out around the house." She has always yelled at me because of this and the other night I snapped. I told her that I a lot around the house, that the laundry would never get done if I didn't do it, that her clothes don't magically walk to the dirty hamper all by themselves, that the dishes don't just appear in the dishwasher when she stacks them in the sink and that I am constantly on patrol around the house picking up after her all the time. She leaves dirty dishes stacked all over the house, she flips her shoes off where ever the hell she feels, she strips off her clothes and just throws them in a pile. Not to mention I sweep once a week, take care of our dog EVERYDAY, and do all the little things that keep our house semi clean. I get bothered by her laziness and I have expressed this to her. It becomes a fight with her always claiming that she is SO tired after work that she just can't move. She can't move twenty feet to put her dishes in the sink at least. Not only that, but I find myself getting more and more aggravated at her general sloppiness. She piles papers on our counter, when she goes shopping she just leaves the bags on our dining room table for days or even weeks. I ask very politely when she will be putting the things away and it always becomes a fight. That's just a little thing that makes my mind think that she just takes advantage of me. Thinking that I am her butler.

Please understand that I have no idea what to do. I love her very much, but I am at my breaking point. I fear that if I progress this relationship to the next point, marriage, that things will just get worse. She tells me all the time that if I ask her to marry her that she will get back on track with her weight. I feel that she is holding me hostage with that. I don't want to break her heart, but I also don't want to keep feeling this way. I don't want to keep feeling that her weight gain is my problem, that her not dressing or acting like a woman is my fault, or that her complete loss of sexual drive is my fault. What am I to do? I know most are going to say that I need to break-up with her. That's not what I want to hear, because I know ultimately that if things don't change we are headed down that path.

[Shawn]

Well of course were going to say break up with her. It sounds like you do most of the work in the relationship man. She just needs to get motivated. She needs to get the inspiration to do it on her own. I would suggest thinking of a way to get her to come with a plan on her own. Something subtle to where she wont know your trying to push her in that direction. If that doesn't work I would say look we need to work something out or this just isn't gonna work. Tell her that you need to see weekly progress from her nothing big just baby steps but every week add something. Like I guess first week make her at least take dishes to the sink rinsing them and putting them into the dishwasher. Let her know you appreciate it. Thats all I can think of man but for I would say baby steps or tell her to hit the bricks.

[Igor]

I read your post and i think you should make your self busy in some work which would also be interesting for you.
You can also join a gym where you can make yourself busy easily.

[Igor]

I read your post and i think you should make your self busy in some work which would also be interesting for you.
You can also join a gym where you can make yourself busy easily.

Any Other comments...??

chicago gyms

[Jaquez]

Sure you should join any gym and do exercise and build your body, i was also joined the gym when i feel that i am so weak and not able to hardworking now i have good body.

[andreagurl27]

hello,im newbie here and its great to be in this forum.