Why I'm here...

[Alalai]

Not much real responses to these threads eh? Well who knows, maybe I'll find at least one person who's a good listener instead of getting those responses that feel like a virtual pat on the back.

Sometimes... we just need someone to listen..

The first thing a therapist usually will ask you is; What brings you in today?

A little background.. I've been celibate for 9 yrs because I was tired of being hurt, and screwed over emotionally and used. I stopped dating, and turned away every guy that was ever interested in me in the past 9 yrs.

I had a best friend who was able to put up with me being so isolated and alone. Never willing to go out into the "real world".

Last Saturday she dragged me out to go drink with her and her "fuck buddy". I didn't think anything of it. I forced myself to leave the isolation of my room to attempt to have some type of normality. Before I knew it he was feeding us both these drinks. Something with red bull and shots of liquor. We ended up at his place. She left to pick up a friend from the bar and give him a ride home. I was to drunk to resist his advances. He kissed me so sweetly, and so tenderly held me in his arms. And being that I haven't been with a man in 9 years. It had a deep profound impact on me emotionally. That whole night was a mistake. Now it turns out him and my best friend are in a serious relationship.
I know I'm not crazy, and it's not some silly school girl crush.. It just simply that I haven't been with anyone in so long, and his kiss and caress just haunts me.
I haven't been able to tell her how I feel, or how it had effected me.. she knows we kissed. All she does is talk about him, and tonight I finally had enough. How could I get passed this feeling if all she does is talk about him? I had a breaking point tonight, I had it. I got so angry, so frustrated, so depressed. I just snapped at her. She was over the whole incident itself, but she couldn't understand why I was so upset about it. She couldn't for one moment understand that I was effected by that evening, by him. I just completely blew up at her. At this point I don't even know if she will speak to me again.

I'm fully prepared to die alone because of my shyness and isolation. I just wish she would stop meddling, then I wouldn't get hurt when she pressures me to go out.

Thanks for listening/reading.

If you ever need someone to talk to.. chat me up.. FB and msn are on profile.

Trisha

[Alalai]

Well that answers that.. she's not talking to me.. guess it's not a big deal.. it was only a 9 yr friendship. Today when we were fighting she asked me why I never confided in her about my problems, emotions, issues. I told her the truth, and the truth hurts. Frankly she can't keep her mouth shut. She spills to anyone who listens. Friends, family, co-workers, flavor of the week. I never confided in her because I didn't want my personal issues her material of entertainment. She didn't appreciate the truth to much.