Parenting when depressed

[GradDad]

I would appreciate hearing what people struggle with when they have to parent when they are experiencing depression. I know how hard parenting is (and I have experienced depression), but I am interested in how other parents have experienced parenting when they are in the throes of a depressive episode (or even after one). Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[anonymous123]

im not a parent but im an aunt and with depression comes a lot of issues like headaches and random crying and feeling like dying , lack of energy, well sometimes i feel like dying and theres no energy and my niece will come up and want to play but i cant and you see the disappointment in their eyes and you feel like such a letdown, or ill be randomly crying and she'll ask whats wrong and i explain i feel a little sad and shes stuck feeling helpless, and it sucks because then im stuck feeling like thanks to me she gets to experience all this extra horribleness because im sick and i let her down constantly because i feel like dying, or just having to explain not being well. I think the worst part is not being able to be completely present for them and being the best you can with them or not being able to give them all of you because part of you is so messed up, well thats how i feel .

[GradDad]

Wow, that sounds very difficult. Where or how do you get support?

[jenpink27]

hello,im newbie here and its great to be in this forum.

[anonymous123]

my family is very supportive and my sister who is the mom kinda knows how to talk to my niece gently , we usually say im just sick or i have headaches and my niece understands so thats how we go about it, i tried explaining it to her slowly like saying i get sick and i feel really tired and ill make like a metaphor for how she feels when shes really sleepy so she understands and luckily she gets it. what about you?

[GradDad]

I'm fortunate to not have had a depressive episode while being a parent. Still, I routinely see a therapist to keep myself in check and to process day to day stresses.
Just out of curiosity, how old is your niece. I am asking because I am also a graduate student researcher who studies parenting and depression, and I am currently conducting an online survey for families with children who are 2 or 3 years old. If your niece was in that age range, or if you know of others in that age range, I would be happy to send you the link to the study.
(I work out of the University of Rochester (USA), and the study has been approved by our research review board.)
Please let me know if you are interested.
Jack

[anonymous123]

thats good
my niece is 7

[GradDad]

Your niece may be of the age when learning about depression, though not specifically in that term, may be of use, especially if there is a history in the family. Maybe, if it ever comes up, it might be useful to describe "the blues" to her (people feel bad without much of a reason, etc) might help her should she ever experience such feelings.

[anonymous123]

i do , and she seems to get it, what honestly worries me is paranoia, i suffer from extreme paranoia and i fear she might pick up on my behavior and mentality, i fear she might start thinking in the same manner. but she does pretty well in understanding "the blues" and we've found childrens stories that deal with that so we're okay i guess in terms of beginning to understand depression.

[GradDad]

That's great to hear. I wish you the best of luck with your struggles and hope that you can find strong support. Your niece sounds like she has a very thoughtful aunt.