it's raining.

[Melanchloe]

I'm 19. I don't know what the matter is really. My boyfriend will be back from work soon, I dont want him to catch me on here, he tries so hard and it would break his heart. I have had the crying disease for about 3 years now. It has fluctuated. I have had 8 months of psychotherapy and cbt but in all honesty it was probably a waste of time. I don't have a proper diagnosis or anything, my therapist says she doesn't know. Bit she said chronic depression and GAD were prevalent. I've finished cbt now. But I feel like Im in the eye of the storm. I want to know why I seem incapable of not feeling sad. In fairness meeting my boyfriend has helped alot, it got me out of my house and away from my family, but I feel constantly like I'm letting him down by still being selfish enough to be miserable. But I'm so tired of it, and I'm so irritable and all I want is for someone to deal with life for me because I can't on my own. I'm not cut out for life. Constantly worried of what people think and trying too hard to please people. Agitated. Aggressive. Irritable. Bored. On edge. Anxious. Defensive. Worried. Tearful. Wishing that I could fade out of existence, and that life would make exceptions for me. What do I do? Does anyone know? I can't even be bothered to go into detail of just how bad I feel sometimes. It just comes out if nowhere and it's confusing and I'm bored of telling people the same old thing. Help?

[anonymous123]

i dont know what to honestly say because personally i feel this sickness wont go away and its about learning how to deal and live with it and its hard and theres times were its gonna get really bad and there will be times were its under control,you can wait for it to pass because it will and then it will come again and you can take other courses to learn to deal you can try meditation you can try journaling all your thoughts at the end of the day or the start or whenever, you can try to let it all out and just cry for a day or two, you can try just living blocking it out completely distracting yourself thats what im doing i distract myself with chores work friends family i dont allow myself the opportunity to even begin to breakdown and when i do i just go with it, you can try medication go talk to a psychiatrist put in an appointment if money is of concern there are free clinics that offer help and medicine for free ( thats what im doing) , try to trust the people around you , yeah you might feel guilty but if you need the help you need help, they love you and there in your life for a reason, sometimes i wake up and i want to die and its one of the worst feelings out there and i try to control it and you can use the techniques they taught you in cbt you can allow yourself to just feel and release and please get help because life is worth it.