Just need to vent...

[Trey]

Hello everyone,

Im new here. I don't expect anyone to reply to this post, I just need somewhere to get stuff out. I was dx with depression about 2 years ago, but I went untreated for 10+ years before that. My parents weren't the type to notice things like that. They thought I was just going through a phase as a teenager and paid no attention to the fact that I was sleeping all the time and isolating myself. As long as my grades were passable, they didn't much care what I did otherwise. So naturally, I don't feel i can confide in them now. I don't want to talk to my friends about it, because I don't want to seem like I'm just complaining about stupid stuff. And I don't want to talk to my husband about it because I know he'll worry too much. So I came here, where there are people like me that will understand when you just need to let your inner thoughts spill out. Like I said, I don't expect anyone to reply to this, I just need a medium to get it out.
Depression runs in my family, but you'd never know it because no one in my family wants to admit to it. I was the first one to talk to my doctor about it (and it took 5 years of my husband trying to convince me to talk to her for me to do). I started on wellbutrin, but got awful anxiety attacks (afterwards my father told me that he was on it for a short time and he got them too), so then I switched to celexa but it didn't seem to change anything. Now i'm on prozac, it was working great but over the past month, my husband has noticed my mood declining. I probably need an increase, but I'm afraid or so to ask my doctor. I don't want her to think I'm med seeking. I know the average person doesn't think about that, but im in the mental health field, so that's always my first thought when someone asks for more meds.
I hate this feeling that nothing matters. I feel completely blank. But on the bright side, I haven't had any suicial ideation for about 6 months.
I should be excited and happy right now. I'm moving back to my hometown to an awesome house. But I can't even get up the energy to do the dishes, let alone start packing.
I'm at work right now. I had to work second shift today, which starts at 3:15pm. It takes me a half hour to get here so I have to leave my apartment by 2:45. I stayed in bed until 2:30 in my pajamas, even though I had a mental list of things I wanted to do before going to work. I almost called out, but somehow I was able to force myself out of bed. It wouldn't have been the first time I called out because of depression.
I guess my biggest fear is turning into one of my clients. Where my mental issues consume me so much that I can't work and live off diability pay. I'm sure working with this population doesn't help any either.
Sorry... I'm rambling... Thanks for listening...

[Devon89]

Good, but I think no one has a lot of time to stuff with it. Don't mind.
I think you should post it in a concise way...hope you have got what am I
saying.
regards

[Edwin1]

Well... i don't got you what you want to say :P can you clear plzzz ...