S.O.S

[imsorry]

I am 21 years old and with my life just beginning I have already struggled greatly.
I can't remember the last time I've genuinely smiled.I have not graduated high school.
Due to mistakes I made I have a police record and can't get a job flipping burgers.
My friends and family avoid me.in my mind because I am nothing.
I'm not a prime candidate for the ladies due to my reputation.
I feel alone,empty,and numb.I can't afford medications to help.
I use alcohol as my relief I drink till I black out and then some there
Have been trips to the store I don't remember.this happens at least twice a week,if I fight the cravings.I feel like sometimes I can't breath due to pressure on my chest.I lack motivation to try anything new.I write songs and it helps although there not very good but lately the feelings are getting worse.it never fades or subsides.I feel like this when I wake up to the time I fall asleep.I don't know what to do anymore.I just want this all to go away...
Please help.

[Ashes]

Ive been there before myself always remember that your feelings will eventually pass. Is there a NAMI in your area they maybe able to guide you to a clinc that can help with your meds. Best of luck and I hope things start improving for you soon.
Ashes

[TravisBickle]

If you can't stop drinking completely, then at least try and cut down at first. I agree with Ashes that feelings do pass. No matter how bad you feel now, just hold on, because things will improve. Try to find a therapist to see. Even if you can only afford a few visits, it may help you to talk. Try to meditate. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and ask the Universe to help you; this will provide at least some peace. It's good that you write songs. Maybe try making a list of things that you know might help you; and try to do them. Make a schedule for yourself - and follow through on this schedule. The girls will come eventually, but you have to get yourself togther first. That should be your only priority now. Exercise (even if you don't feel like it) - ride a bike, walk, run, lift weights - anything physical. Try to do this as often as you can. Don't beat yourself up too much. Don't be so down on yourself. Make steps every day - and it will all add up. Even if it feels far away. You're only 21 - you can do anything you want. That alone should make you feel a little better. Things do change - no matter how you feel right now.