I need to stop being the victim, over and over again

[Jewels]

Just really feeling miserable today as I am realizing that I am a victim over and over and with more ppl than I thought - I guess I thought I was being a loyal friend and no one is perfect but if I look back I see that I am the person that ppl can use and abuse over and over again and I will forgive them for whatever reason - whether it's that I love them or I am a loyal friend or they didn't mean to.....it doesn't matter, and to look back at the past and to see how many times over and over I have let myself be shit on......is so depressing.....

I am SO into this role that I think this is who I am, how do I change my basic personality?? I know I have a lot to change and am trying to do that thru groups I go to.....but now I feel like, I need to change myself completely, and that is really scary.

[Calvin]

I don't think we can ever really change who we are. All we can do is change how we respond to things. I know exactly what you mean about always feeling shit on, I'm slowly learning how to say "no", doesn't mean I am a different person, just means I respond to people in a different way.

[NewieKay]

My tolerance for crap is getting low and i don't put up with it so much as i used to. But when i notice the crap coming, I don't get as angry as quickly as i used to. I just opt out of it by leaving. I actually announced to someone quite close to me today that they were in a bad, argumentative mood and I didn't want to put up with it. I don't know what went wrong with her today but it was like I couldn't say anything without her arguing with me about it. I don't want to argue. I am so tired of it that I would rather have no communication than have arguments. Later she asked "Are you speaking with me?". I said "Of course I am". We talked in a civil manner a little. But I won't put up with any more argument tonight.

[Jewels]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I know I need to change, it's my reactions to things....and I need to be stronger....much stronger....I am so weak right now.......

If things like this keep happening, I don't think I can handle this life anymore

[Britt]

NewieKay - you handled this situation particularly well! You didn't react to your friend's behaviour, and chose to walk away rather than getting into an argument - well done!!!

[Breezie]

Wow Love, this was me for years, and years. I think the answer is in becoming confident in who you are, and as NewieKay said, walking away. I have no real live friends, in the flesh. I cannot tolerate the bs anymore, and very seldom do I feel strong enuf to deal with it. However, that being said, I have learnt through meeting the man of my dreams, and marrying him, that its OK to say what I feel, and know tomorrow he will still love me. This forum is another perfect example of that unconditional acceptance. Learning to see my strong points and focusing on those instead of what a loser I feel like at this second is huge and has helped me be strong enough to not have friends to feel like someone!

Believe in who you are, change reactions to the small things (ex; slight at a grocery store) and start speaking up for you, saying NO is ok, your true friends will still love you. If they are not true friends, you dont need them, you deserve more!!