Its all so Hard

[Needhelp]

Hi All,

New on here,But i need to talk to people who understand.

I have been fighting a inner Demon for around 5 years,And have been blaming work and stress the whole time,My doctors have precribed Anti deppresants over the years,But i have been avoiding them,so i have simply changed doctors until i found 1 who didnt try and give me a script.It all came to a head however around 2 weeks ago when i sat out the back having a vodka and just started crying for no reason,Mind you im a Reasonably healthy bloke with a loving wife, beautiful children and a high paying job.I have all the luxurys at home and live quite comfortably.So i decided to see my doctor again and explain my random feelings.I have since started taking Lexapro and have had a very difficult time getting used to them.I am having a good day,than a bad day.Hopefully its gonna start working soon.I have often thought of Dying and its always on my mind,But im not going to discuss that any further,As theres much more to life.Im just in a bad Rut at the moment and i just dont seem to understand why ?

[Christyle]

Bad ruts... I know all about those. May I ask why you were so hesitant to take medication? How has the Lexapro been affecting you if I may ask. I wonder because it seems like it affects everyone different and some people need to try medication after medication before finding the right one that really works for them. I'm no doctor though.

[Needhelp]

Bad ruts... I know all about those. May I ask why you were so hesitant to take medication? How has the Lexapro been affecting you if I may ask. I wonder because it seems like it affects everyone different and some people need to try medication after medication before finding the right one that really works for them. I'm no doctor though.

I have watched everyone in my family take these for years,and most of my family are on the dole,dont work and just generally sponge of society and find ways to rort the system.I am totally opposite to this and i work hard for my money.I have always had a feeling that the anti depressants make you this way which is why i have avoided them for so long and i have never wanted to be dependant on any drug/medicaion,and also I just simply hate drugs.Anyway,Im moving forward and trying them.

I have had days where i have overwhelmed with rage/emotion for no apparent reason,Dizziness and tunnel vision is also popping up randomly,My sex life with my partner has also been affected and then days where i feel brilliant and normal.I suppose i am feeling better each day im on them.

Thankyou for your reply,I feel better just knowing there is someone and a forum to talk to who understands,Its very difficult for my wife and kids at the moment as they have no understanding of what is happening to me.

[eeyore]

I know where you are coming from, i avoided doctors for years and tried to explain my feelings away as hormonal i certainly was not going to admit them to anyone. It all came to a head when i had a total breakdown 11 years ago, at the time i had a good job, loving family, lots of friends etc but that didnt stop me getting ill. This illness does not discriminate, it can affect anyone. A big part of me getting well was learning everything i could about depression and then ACCEPTING that i have it. It is very hard for my partner when i have a relapse but she tries her best to understand, but i dont think i you CAN understand it until you have been there. Support is what you need right now from your family. Remember, depression is an illness just like any other and is not a personal reflection on you. I am doing the job i always wanted to and i am married to the love of my life but that doesnt stop me being a depressive. Its a PART of me, but IT IS NOT WHO I AM. Hang on in there.........

[saing]

the way you avoided doctors I understand. I wonder if getting help for depression is like getting help for drugs where you need to hit rock bottom or you need to admit to yourself you have a problem.