My husband passed away

[Betty]

I'm so scared. My husband of 20 years died of a massive heart attack two weeks ago. I don't know what to do. He was my anchor, my rock and the love of my life.

He hadn't been sick, it was so upexpected, I'm still in shock. I feel like I've been torn in half. He was working in our yard and my neighbor saw him fall down. He jumped the fence and then helped my husband get up and got him to the back door. When I opened the door, he and my neighbor were on the patio, my neighbor couldn't hold him up any longer. I told my neighbors wife to call 911. The only thing my husband said, was don't call 911, please don't call 911.

We got him into the house and he grabbed the door frame and then he just let go and I had my arms around him and we went to the floor. I cushioned his fall. There was no response from him, no heartbeat no pulse. He started turning blue, we tried cpr. Then the paramedics came rushing in and spent the next 50 minutes trying to revive him, but were unable. He was gone within 5 minutes from the time my neighbor found him, till he died in my arms. I was crying and screamed at him not to go, but he couldn't stay with me. He would have, if he could have.

The only thing he said to my neighbor as he helped him to the back door was not to wake me up because I hadn't been feeling good that day. Even in his last few minutes, he was still thinking of me and not wanting to wake me up.

I miss him! I don't know how to survive this. Oh god, I'm so scared. I don't understand why God called him. I need him. I miss him.

[dismil]

I am so sorry. So so sorry. I have no words. I will be praying for both of you. I hope it helps.

[Prylis]

Words can't describe what you must be feeling right now. Look for help and strength from wherever you can, I wish you well. My condolences.

[BoBoGo]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

[Calvin]

I too am so so sorry for you loss. When you lose someone so close, it is like a part of you has been cut in half. I hope that you have people around you who can be there with you during this time and afterwards too. If you are eventually able to, find a grief and loss group for extra support. When it is so sudden and unexpected, it does send you into shock and unable to know what to do and it is scary. It's always scary anyway, but when someone dies of something that lingers, it is easier to let go. I know that you can find comfort of some kind in knowing that your husband was thinking of you when he passed and I know that he knew you were there holding him when he was gone. I do believe this. Please stay safe and take care of yourself and post here when you want to anytime and let us know how you are doing. I wish I was there to hug you and hold your hand through this. Know that I am doing that now and praying for you.

[Glen]

So So sorry to hear this. Terrible I can't imagine what your going through at the moment.

[Destined3]

My heart is with you and it's hard to find words in these situations.
Know that I'm so very sorry and would probably feel exactly those
feelings if I was in your place.

[Betty]

Thank you everyone for your support.

I thought things had been rough in my life, but this is absolutely terrifying.

I have lots of family support, but I want my husband back. I love him and miss him. He was my best friend. He was so supportive. He took me to every single psychiatric appointment I've been too since 1997. He was such a wonderful man. I'm feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. I go from numb, to sad, to angry, to aggitated, frustrated, and lost and scared.

Thank you for your support, I'm really going to need you guys to keep this one from ending me.
God bless and luv all you guys

[Im_doomed]

I'm so sorry for your lost. Thats so sad. I know how you feel. Hopefully you'll feel better soon even though its so difficult. My blessings goes out to you & your families.

[Creamy]

I'm sorry, I have no words of solace; I know I can barely begin to understand what he must have meant to you so I can only tell you that I am thinking of you and wishing I could take away some of the pain.
Rest yourself. Be gentle on yourself, it is alright to have that rollercoaster and we are not going to stop being here while you ride it.
When you are ready, why not share some memories - either on paper, with family or here - and remember some of the best things and the silly things and the bits that drive you mad just thinking about them. Its a little way of holding on to his part in your life even when it hurts.
And please take care

[DepressedAussie]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how I would cope if the same thing were to happen to my wife. For what it is worth, you have all of our support. I know it is little - if any - consolation, but you have to believe and keep telling yourself that this WILL pass. Not the love you have for him, or the feeling of loss now that he's gone, but the depression and the feeling of being completely lost. It WILL pass. You have the rest of your life in front of you to live and enjoy - which is what he would want you to do.

[ryan is lost]

You have my heart betty, but i unfortunately cant even say i understand how you feel.

[Desi]

I am so sorry for your lost.. I know how scared and lonely you must feel.. My husband is my rock and the love of my life also and I don't think I could manage without him.. Please email me at anytime if you need to talk.. Just remember how much he loved you..

[Betty]

thanks again everyone. I close on my new house tomorrow morning. Hopefully next week I'll have some firm information from the proposed renters. I'm so tired. I know when everything catches up with me I'm going to have a quiet nervous breakdown.