I miss my life

[Sandy]

Yes I am alive, I should be grateful for that I know. But right now I don't see what was saved really. I am nothing, I am not the person I used to be. my health as robed me, taken all that i was. all I feel right now is hate and anger............................................. ................

[FightingOn]

Just to let you know Sandy, I'm feeling something of the same as you. I'm confused at why am I still alive, I'm lonely and wishing for the days of yesterdays - I want me back too, the way I used to be.

But I'm trying to keep going, I'm trying to keep helping myself like I'm watching the football in 15 minutes. I'll be on my exercise cycle whilst I'm watching. I don't really want to be bothered and I feel like going back to bed but I'm going to do it....

...because whilst I'm alive I've got to try and do the things that make me feel positive even if it is just exercice and the footy.

[lisamarie]

Sandy, You are a good person with a bad illness/illnesses. These are not your fault. My doctor recently told me that I was a normal person in an abnormal life...as a kid and gee, it fits now also. He asked me if I believed him. I said no, I have never felt normal and have fought with living my whole life. You are not alone, but I just have to say that there is more to you than your illnesses. You are a person first. Alot of us feel we are nothing and hate ourselves and feel anger at ourselves for everything under the sun. I am not really the person I used to be either...especially with alot of health issues I worry about constantly that I feel I am ruining my husband's life with the costs and time off he takes for me and when he retires down the road, I feel like I will ruin his life completely financially. You don't feel grateful because you are depressed and it is an illness that you generally not in your control...much of life is out of our control..that is also a hard thing to take. I for one am glad that you are alive. You wonder what was saved by that..and I will tell you that we here are glad that you are here and sharing with us and reaching out and ARE a genuine and good person who deserves to be alive and feel worth living. Please hang in there and post whenever you want or need to..we are here for you.

[TJS]

Hi Sandy, when I have bad frustrating days (like today for example) I have the exact same thoughts as you. All I can say is hope you find your way our of this and wish you well.

[scaredbezzy]

lisamarie and sandy i know just how you feel.i am my dads carer and have to have a friend to live in and help as i cannt cope myself due to my damn ilnnesses (physical as well as mental)and it makes me so damn angry that my body has robbed me off my chance to look after my dad single handedly when he needs me the most.i also feel i am putting pressure on my partner with my ilnesses as there always seems to be 1 thing or another causing a problem.sometimes i hate my body as it has let me down and stopped me working and providing for those i love and stopped me doing so many thing i want to do but cant because of my health problems
its bad enough having ment\l health problems but whne you have mental and physical its a double whammy and you feel usless as your usless emntally and physically.i feel very out of control as my body controls me and not vice versa as i'd like it to be.i worry i will annoy the people i love so much with my health problems that they will decide they have had enough of me and leave me and i will be alone which scares me so much
i know i have a lot of good qualities such as being kind,generous,helpful and supportive and i try my best to make those around me that i love happy but my illnesses always get in the way to scupper my ideas
i often feel i am so usless both physically and mentally that i would be better off dead resigned to the scrap heap of creation as a dud model that was never quite right the way you mould clay and if it goes wonky you squash it down and start again
i too am glad you are here sandy as reading your post helps me realise i am not alone.i am always here to reply to your posts and listen to how you feel.if people around us truly love us they will look beyong the illnesses and accept us for who we are illnesses and all if they dont they dont deserve to have us.i know its easy to say but its true.i hope we can all find some peace and happiness soon
take care
sb xxxx

[Timothy]

Everyone in the world looks back on the good times and wishes you could go back to them, it's a way of life. What sucks the most is that this feeling of sadness and powerlessness is enhanced when you suffer from Depression or anxiety. I often think back to the time before i had anxiety when hanging at a beach with my mates and girls was just every day life, not scared of anything or anyone. Now i can't even go to the shopping center without freaking out. The only solution to missing your old life is learning to only focus on the future. I always have a plan to improve my life, i never sit back and accept the cards i am dealt. At the end of this year i am moving to the other side of my country, going to a uni, getting a job and hopefully a girlfriend. The thought of doing this allows me to keep on pushing through every day, and at the end of the year although it is going to be a challenge, i am going to try and improve my situation

I suggest that you all try to form such a habit of planning something good in the future, working towards it and looking forward to it and then when the time comes, actually go through with it. Before you know it, time will fly and you'll be glad that you had a goal

[fabiola7386]

No one can miss their lives until and unless you give it to a devil known as stress and depression.
Every human in this world will come across stress and depression in their lives, no one in this world is without worries, so please don't ever think about your past and lonely memories...
Instead think about the joyful moment and the situations which you handled smartly and if you have any habit of writing diary, go through that, whenever I feel depressed or lonely I used to read my slam book, I feel the richness of the joyous moment which i shared with my friends at that time... I feel that my life have been re winded to the past and I have been smiling and laughing with them.
I do really feel a freshness in my mind.
Hope you all feel the same what I felt.
Have a wonderful day!!

Drug Rehab

[redperson]

I can identify with this problem. When I look back, I miss the person that I used to be and the things I used to be capable of - a successful job in which the only way was up, soon turned into drifting from one thing to another not really able to do any of them very well. Now I'm out of work altogether, applying for countless jobs but of course getting knocked back for every one.

I have learned in some small way to embrace the 'new person' that I am - someone who is no longer motivated by money and career success, but simply devoting myself to getting better and being the best person I can under the circumstances. But there are still times that I miss the way I used to be. The most annoying thing is when people make that throwaway "So go back to it then, only you can change your life" comment, because they just don't realise that until you crack the mental condition, you physically can't go back.