health and my mom

[Muskateer]

My mom is taking an oral chemotherapy drug for lesions in her brain. It's zapped her of all her strength. She's not even 60 but walks like she's 90, no strength in her legs. No strength in her voice. She's tired all the time. Her mind gets foggy and she loses track of thoughts, cries easily.

She's getting ready to retire in a few weeks, so maybe she'll have some strength back then. But I live with her, and have for the last 2 and a half years, and every day I get reminders of how weak she is, and I'm starting to crack. It's becoming claustrophobic around here and I'm losing my nerve, becoming paranoid that anything can happen, that she could fall and hurt herself, that she could collapse when nobody is home. My thoughts and fears are torturous.

I just need to get away from it for a while sometimes, forget that she's sick. But then all I have to do is try to talk to her later in the day, her weakness is apparent, I get impatient, snippy and sarcastic, because deep down I'm pissed at her for being sick in the first place, that maybe in the 40 years she smoked cigarettes she could have done something, or that I could have done something.

It's guilt and fear and paranoia that I feel. Perhaps my coping skills are the real weakness.

[FightingOn]

Hi Muskateer...sounds exhausting...emotionally, physically, psychologically. Have you thought about respite care options and support for yourself? You can't handle this on your own...it's too much!! Pls don't feel like you should do it on your own...don't put that burden on yourself! It's huge...too much to do alone.

[saing]

Your situation is extremely difficult and you carry a huge burden. Your feelings are only natural under the circumstances and everyone with a sick family member would react the same way.
I can only sympathize with you and think you must seek some form of support or support system for yourself to help you deal with the situation.

It's a terrible thing you're going through and I wish you well.