Mother and Cousin Problems

[Hidden]

At times I look at my newborn son and wonder if I am good enough to be his mother. Most of the time I feel worthless. Really, I am having a problem with my mother and bitch ass cousin. They are causing more problems in my marriage. I simply don't trust my cousin. She enjoys making passes at my husband. He is ignoring them, but he looks at me as being less than a woman. I snap at him. Perhaps, it is the depression that is clouding my judgement? But, at times it is so hard to see straight. I want to be strong and push everyone away. But, I need my family. But the need to regain control increditable. I feel so lost. It is very hard for me to articulate my feelings into words so that my husband could understand. I love him.... but due to the depression I am having trouble trusting him. This argument between my mother, cousin and I is destroying my soul. I have friends on-line, but in the flesh it is impossible to talk to others about my deep inner feelings. From the outside looking in, my husband and I have a good life. I really would just like to hide. As soon as I let my relatives know where I lived, there as been problems.

[scaredbezzy]

hi hidden i can identify with you.although i am not a mother i am caring for my dad as he has a long term illness that will shorten his life.i always feel i couldnt be doing a better job or doing more for him.i feel if someone else was looking after him they would be a much better carer than me
the fact is you love your son more than anything and you do your best to make sure he is happy and content and has what he needs.i know its easy for me to say but i can assure you your son loves you and wouldnt want anyone else to look after him
i know the feeling of being worthless as i feel it too.i am currently seeing a counsellor and after my 5th session yesterday i felt i hadnt got anywhere and that it was a waste of time.i had been feeling shit all day today but suddenlt about 4:15 i thought why should i keep beating myself up?
i am not perfect but io try my best i dont set out to hurt or upset anyone
i am still feeling bad and down but at the moment i am feeling more positive.i am trying to say to myself that if people cant accept me for me then they dont deserve me(i worry what my loved ones will think of me the rest of the world i dont care about)
i'm not in anyway saying its easy as this is my 2nd battle with severe depression and it sometimes it feels worse than a terminal illness as with a terminal illness you will eventually have a release and when you are physically ill everyone says how brave you are and how sorry they are
when you have depression a lot of people are of the pull yourself together or stop feeling sorry for yourself there are worse off people than you mentality.i am not in any way making light of a terminal illness just describing how depression sometimes overwhelmes you and you feel there will never be and end to this suffering and mental pain
as for your cousin sounds like you need to tell her if she doesnt change you will cut her out of your life.its hard to do but i did it with one of my family members and ultimately it was the best thing as she was just hurting me and making me feel awful
i'd recommend you try counselling if possible,although its not a cure getting your feelings out rather than having them swirling round doing 100mph in your head helps to deal with them
i hope i have been of some help if only to make you realise you are not alone.keep posting on here and maybe wecan help each other even if it is only online
take care
scaredbezzy xxxxx

[Britt]

Hi, Hidden
Is it posible to talk with your mum and be honest abut your cousin flirting? i would hope that if at all possible yo work this out - mainly with your mum if not your cousin , cos it is good to have family. i am estranged from mine and that in itself has created big problems for me. hang in there! newborn son (congrats!!!) - i am sure you are doing a brilliant job. just remember you had your baby - YOU are the best mum for him. Take care (hug)

[Timothy]

As long as you love your son and will do all that is in your power to protect him, you deserve to be his mother and after reading through your post i believe you do. There is nothing harder then having your family interfere in your relationship. I hope everything works out for you and your mother and cousin back off.