hi

[CommandoCop]

Hi all,

Im CommandoCop, as you can tell im into law enforcement,

just ended an abusive 10 year marrage, which wasnt very good to me, and have custody of my 3 year old daughteer.

just trying to plot along and climb out of a deep hole ive been in for the past 10 years.

My ex was ocd with hording and cluttering, and suspected narcassistic personality disorder, and latent age of 16...

felt a bit down today so thought id do a search for depression forums.

[Timothy]

Welcome to the forum mate
I hope that the forum is of use to you and you are able to improve yourself from it.
Joining was the first step to improving your current state of mind

[CommandoCop]

yeah maybe, i wont bore you with my tail, its not a nice one unfortunetly.... but im sure others are worse

[CommandoCop]

well, ill give you the short version of my life

met girl 10 years ago, first girlfriend, fell in love,

eventually she started to show signs of a mental illness, got diagnosed with ocd and hording an dcluttering which is why she trashed the house and did nothig, apsolutly nothing, ever worked etc, got married, brought a house, she started to go even crazier, trashing, hording, spending every cent i made, didnt do anything, i spent my days off just cleaning.

she decided to have a baby, when i said i was leaving for some reason...

i ended up raising her, all the ex did was sleep 20 hours a day and trash the house, ended up being comign child abuse, violent and abusive towards me. public humiluation, set to work isolating me, so i have no friends.

i did all the work, all the cleaning cooking, bills, finances, hous emaintanance, child raising, apsolutly everything, she just ate chocolate and drank coke while playing world of warcraft, sometimes days strait, other days she just slept all day, neglecting daughter while i went to work :-(...

she doubled her weight, now 150kg, she doesnt wash bath shower, change clothes, brush teath, all her teath have fallen out, she farted, spat, swore, i cleaned 12 hours strait, and by the time i finished one room, she has trashed it to 1 meter of garbage again, and spent all our money constantly just buying things off ebay, random stuff. obsessive stuff.. pulling carpet up coz she beleived her child hood lino was underneeth, pulling doors of cupboards, coz she felt it was easier that way. basically turning me into a total slave.

9 months ago, injured my self in the line of duty, destroying a shoulder, so i cant use an arm anymore, after a few weeks of being on heavy pain meds, i almost died from blood clotts, the exs responce is to run off and have an affair with a 10 year younger than her teenager! and more public humiluation by publically telling all her friends an dfamily this, degrading me by taking photos and videos sexually etc posting them online, although 90% of our relationship was sexless, towars the end, ie when she was having the affair, she decided to force some slave and master thing upon me with me being the slave and video taped it secretly, all this against my will mind you, i found out about the affair, which she then abducted our daughter for a few weeks and went into hiding, while i got court orders.

got daughter back, she broke into the house, changed the locks, and wont give any property back, not even daughter or i's clothes toys etc. refuses to pay bills etc.

shes now prostituting her self out from the house, just to hurt me, selling everything we own, refuses to pay anything so im left with about half a million bucks of her debts while she has apsolutly everything but an overnight bag, a old hand me down broken laptop, and an old car with a car loan twice as much as its worht, and causing all sorts of problems, legally, she refuses to do anything, listen to anybody inc her own solicitor and psyciatrists.

i live with my parents now, been 5 months since this happened, still paying bills, still havnt got anythign but a bag of soiled 2 sizez too small clothes covered in menstral blood and tampons. yep thats all i got from her...

shes trashed the house good and proper, looks like a rubbish dump.

my arms still stuffed, cronic pain levels, and now im a single father looking after my daughter with 1 arm, and no money coz she has everything. still going through courts in terms of custody, i only have interim orders, coz she refuses to negotate on anything.

often stalks me, threatens me publically,

so yeah im pretty fucked up situation for my self really.. all my family saw it coming, but what do you do when the person you love gets sick,

as her own psyc said i did more than anybody could have expected.

im slowly waking up from this nightmare, and wondering how it got so bad with me being a slave to it all and not knowing how much she controlled me, its quight scary.

im an insomniac, i havnt slept in several years too..

[Timothy]

That is the most crazy story i have ever heard, I'm so glad that you managed to come out the end in one piece! You have my deepest possible sympathy.
To stand by your wife while she struggled with such terrible mental illness is amazing, although you have a lot of financial and mental scars to bear from all of it, you really should be proud of the person you are. Not many people in this world are as commendable as you, what you have done is beyond words. You may feel as if you have lost dignity and respect over the course of your story but i can assure you, you haven't! You should be very proud of who you are!

[CommandoCop]

yeah, the biggest thing that stopped me leaving over the past few years was that i knew she would just loose the plot and go into a path of self destruction, and my thoughts are what if i didnt get my daughter, i couldnt let her be subjected to her alone.

the only choice ive had for the past few years was to stay and clean..

i got told a year or so ago i was going to die with in a year, from stress, as i never slept, did anything for my self, just worked and cleaned, overweight, coz all we ate was take away, kitchen was too far gone, and when i spent a few days cleaning it, it didnt last long. it was kinda like trying to take only a small section of the ocean out, the no matter what i did, the water flowed back into the hole. heart rate was double what it should of been, constant headaches, no sleep, they said if aheart attack didnt get me, a stroke would.

yes, i was convinced everything was my fault, and that the ex did nothing wrong, she also accused me of being a rageaholic to all her shrinks, and told her family and friends, that i was the one who trashed the house and it was like that because i refused t do anything. she did turn all my friends and family away, im now realizing things are far worse now im out of hte circle.

realizing a lot of friends and family had stayed away because of her, she had spoken too them, attacked them with out me knowing. but tey are slowly returning now, i was infact written off as a lost cause by my family because i wouldnt leave her.

but im not here for sympathy, yes im cronically depressed according to the psyc i see once a month, but what can i do about it, nothing seems to work.

ive lost 30 odd kg in the last few months, exercised, even though ive only got 1 usable arm, thins they keep telling me to do, all my hobbies i had before, i cant do with 1 arm, i love to ride sports bikes, even though i hardly do it much, things like that.

yes, sometimes i thik the scars are very deep and life long, from what ive read, partners of narcassisim never recover.

its just hard, to admit that im a cop, a man, and a victim of domestic violence, i never hit her, i never defended my self, i just let it happen.

atleast she never did her threat of sodomising me with a strap on, like she started to say the last 12 moths, although i think that was next, with all the sex toys and bondage things she started to buy, realy, i hadnt been attracted toher for a long time, their was no sex, even though she was totally sexually difunctional, she didnt have any feeling insider of her, or anything like that, infact i er, cant get an errection anymore, havnt for years, then when she also started to go nuts with religion, saying sh ewas a buddist, before that it was a pagan or wicken something like that she got even more strange.

but seemed to be any stressfull thing in her life made her get 10 times worse, birth of a baby, she really started to go delussional, then when my arm hit, and i almost died, she was convinced i had already died.

i guess she was a paracite, when the host was dying, she goes to find a new host, hence the affair. which ias very surprized about since she was totally social phobic, she never left the house..

alhough now im increasinlgy more paranoid about that, since sh ewas constantly going off for her alone time, sine she got her drivers licence, only took her 15 odd years to get one.

but now shes defending her nest, her clutter with her life, even her own solicitor wont represent her anymore...

few things im experience now is high levels of anxiety, something ive never had before, any contact with her, ic ant walk around the town i live anymore, i go into pannic attacks thinking im going to run into her. i dont like this and dont want to experience this, just petrafied shes going to attack me and take control of me again, i dont want to be a slave anymore..

[CommandoCop]

oh, the shrink wa talkign about tha ti have some kind of self sacraficing personality schema, which often gets taken advantage off by people like this, it just goes until im depleted... because i give and leave nothing for my self, and they just take and take and take and dont care about you

[Timothy]

It really sounds like she has gotten inside of your head to the point where you are scared to let her near it, which is completely understandable. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I am not only proud of you standing by her, but i am proud that you are trying your hardest to improve your life for you and your daughter. Maybe once the court issues are out the of way, and hopefully they will be soon, you and your daughter can move away and start fresh in a new town. All i can say for right now is keep up the exercise, if you do see her , get away from her as quickly as possible and avoid even talking to her and if something happens, call the police right away. She only has as much power over you as you give her, she can try and make you her slave all she wants, it's up to you to think of your daughter and tell her no.

I really do hope that things get better for both of you and that you are able to come back from this terrible situation. Remember to never ever give up, things will eventually get better for you!

[CommandoCop]

I dont have the luxury to give up unfortunetly, i have to be here for my daughter, and raise her right.

dont get me wrong, im not here for sympathy, ive hid this for a very long time, from work, family although i think they could see it, she publically abused and humilatede me all the time and nobody was allowed to our house.

i get a lot of anxiety thinking about seeing her, thinking about her or any contact with her, so far i dont answer, or reply to calls/messages, the only time see her are at mediation, court etc, although i do see her walking around town, shes a shopaholic after all, now with bright fluro red hair, so shes easy to spot, although last week it was bright blue. when i see her, i run, i litterally run the other direction before i start goign into a pannic attack...

but off on a plane fo a MRI 2morow, and see the surgon.

so far they know i tore the tendents, the ones that are left are crushed and impinged, some rib in my neck move dand got dislodged pushing on a nerve stem causing nerve damamge down my arm, and resting on some artery return line that controls my arm, so the blood stopped flowing and became all clotted up, causing it to swell up and near on kill me, the rib also dislodged my spine in my neck, causing neck problems, and agravated a lower back injury too, so i cant use my left arm, and it pushes on my back injury causing pain which presses on a siatic nerve in my leg too. stupid work place accident too... either way, its been what 8-9 months of being 1 armed and in cronic pain. really stuffing my life up, cant pick my daughter up, but i try to do the best i can....

cant ride motorbikes, or anything either so all my hobbies are out the window..

[CommandoCop]

can you delete posts on this forum?

[Timothy]

Well it's good to hear that you are able to successfully avoid her at the moment. As for the arm though, I'm sorry to hear your in so much pain. Life really has been a bit of a bitch to you for a few years. Have you ever considered after the court case is over, that you pack up your daughter and either change states or possible even countries. You will never have to worry about bumping into your ex wife and you could have a real fresh start. I know if i was in your shoes, i would be trying to leave the country for a fresh start as soon as i could.

[CommandoCop]

i dont think i could leave the country mate.... so is it just you on this forum mate?

[Ashes]

Welcome to the site.

[poppet]

this is truely inspirational that you have had to put up with so much and are still willing to carry on and raise your daughter!
seems like you are well shot of her, not nice to say , but with any luck after counselling you will find your feet again xxx

[Ishak]

I read your whole story and i would suggest you that you are not alone..
Too many people are facing these kind of problems...
You need to make yourself busy to divert your attention..
YOu can join a gym to make yourself busy..