I don't know whats wrong.

[Loren]

I can't seem to stop crying. Lately that is all I want to. I don't know how to stop it. My friends say that I have mood swings and that they don't how to handle them anymore. I'm afraid of losing everyone I care about but it seems no one understands. I was seeing my school psychologist but i am graduating now and if I want another psychologist I will have pay for it myself. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost.

[Danni_jane]

Hi there,
It seems a shame that you will have to pay for another psychologist once you have graduated. What has the psycologist said so far? Do they think that you are depressed or is you mood just generally low?? Even if you feel low you can cry at the slightest things and the mood swings can also be part of it. Are you currently on any medication? has it only happend recently? also one last question is there something that has happend during your past that you cant seem to forget. You need to try to the best of your knowledge to try and work out what has caused this.. It could be anything even a pet that you were very close to died. But the longer you leave it the worse it can get ( I have worked that out for myself the hard way) I have been depressed since a teenager and frankly I think that it ruined alot of my childhood.. There will always be the question "Why has it happend to me?" Im afraid that if you do try and address the cause of this problem you may feel worse but in the long run it will get better. I know how it feels when people dont undertstand and I have lost alot of friends and family support so alot of the time I feel that I am on my own..

Let me know if you have any questions for me and it ma help if you have someone who you dont even know to help you address the root of the problem..

Look after yourself and keep me posted

[Loren]

My psychologist has diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder along with depression. I always think my friends are talking behind my back even though I have no reason to think that. I personally think that I am depressed. I am currently taking Celexa and Ativan and both medications have really helped the anxiety but not so much the depression. I have always had problems with anxiety but they recently started to get bad my senior year of college. My problems started in middle school because I had problem with some of my friends. My friends would talk behind my back and not invite me places because they didn't really like me. I can't seem to let go of middle school and now i think that every time someone does something without me I think its because they don't like me. Its really not fair to my friends now who really are my true friends but I can't seem to let go of the pain I felt in middle school.

[waveofmutilation]

That's pretty tough. Definitely sucks being between a rock an a hard place. I'm three months from getting out of the Army and I'm trying to mooch every last drop out of them because, like you, won't have this stuff anymore. Not only am I crazier than Charles Manson eating fruit loops on your front porch, I got a bum back. Cheers!

But, as I read your posts they both sound very sincere in that, you care deeply about your friends. That is hard to find and if your friends are not aware of how you feel towards them and the situation you're in, and what you're fighting with, now would be a really good time if you haven't already. As for your friends not knowing how to deal with the mood swings, they better just learn to deal with it, if they care as deeply about you as you do about them. If not, maybe it's time to find new friends?

Like you, I also have both social anxiety and depression. I have had to learn to cope with for years. And like you, it also started with little sh*t heads in middle school. Haha. But that's what I learned, that they were sh*t heads. Just about everybody till this day are a bunch of little sh*t heads, except they don't really have an excuse because they were supposed to... ya know... grow the f*ck up. Who would've thunk?

One thing that I have learned from all the crazy stuff I've done, been to and folks met, that actions speak louder than words, and that's where a majority of folks seem to fail. Everybody loves you till they
get you in the sack. You're the best because you brought the most beer, or the guy with a 20 sack, or that it's five days before payday, everybody is broke but you're stacked with paper and... eh.. eh homie, lemme get a double cheese burger. Same ole sh*t, man. And at the same time, it's so funny. Why people do these things I don't know.

I guess what's I'm trying to say is that your true friends will understand and they will stick it out with you, the others will add you on facebook, if that. Real friends won't talk behind your back and if they talk any kind of sh*t, they'll do it to your face in some kind of retarded animal thinking that maybe it'll help you. As long as there's love there, it'll work out.

I mean, I'm there with you. They're just not friends. You say hi to them at work or what's up the difference being is, you actually mean it and they don't. If anything just feel bad for them. They just... don't live in reality nor really care to visit. Sure you have social anxiety and depression, but maybe it's not you it's them, the world that's jacked up. Maybe you don't really need to see a psychologist that hasn't been there or done that or taking meds to alter the way you think and feel isn't something you need. I'm not saying to blow all this stuff off, I'm just saying it's something to think about.

I really like this quote by Alexander Graham Bell:

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

I'll quit preaching. I'm wondering what kind of relationship you have with your friends and family. I feel that, the more we get to know about you and your life, the better folks might be able to help you out. Figuring out how to get out of a sh*t storm takes some time. Haha.