The Trap

[IwasRick]

For some depressed individuals, when they honestly assess their lives, they can find some positives that they can hold onto and keep going. Things like family, faith, friends, etc. But what do you do when there seems to be nothing left to keep you hanging on? I hate everything about my life. I hate my job. I'm broke and in major medical debt that I'll never pay off. I've lost my religious faith. And I have no significant personal relationships to depend on. There seems to be nothing else.

Be assured that this is not a suicide-type posting. Unfortunately, I'm too much of a coward for that. I'd like to seek therapy but have no money to pay for it. Besides, I think I may have reached a point where therapy would be meaningless.

Sometimes I feel the cruelest trap is the one between hating yourself and your life and being too afraid of death to end it. I just don't know what to do to get out of it. It's all just black everywhere I look.

[Ashes]

I can relate to how you feel. I have been there before myself yet somehow I improve. I was like this before my diagnosis and thought all would be better once I knew what it was and still I found no peace. To this day I dip into a depression that those who have never experienced could never imagine. I don't have friends any more, I have lost all interest, the meds don't work and no one I'm around understands. All we can do is wait because at least with me, it subsides a little and all doesn't seem as hopeless. Hope you feel better soon.

[sshowalter@foundhealth.co]

I agree with Ashes. When I go through really bad spells (which come in both week-long periods, or hit me for a few hours on an otherwise-unassuming day) I try to remember that everything, pain and joy, are temporary. Even this period of depression, even if it has been years for you, is temporary. It helps to hang onto ANYTHING. A tv show moment that caused you to crack a smile, an inhale where you felt momentary relief, or the moment before you fall asleep where you feel a bit of relaxation...HOLD ONTO THESE MOMENTS. I find that even in my darkest hours there are at least [I]moments[I] every now and again that aren't as painful and I hold onto them for dear life...eventually they turn into minutes, then hours. That's how it's been for me anyway...I hope you start to feel better soon :-/