Depression Forum Thread, Trouble accepting compliments? in Mental Illness & Depression Forum; Do you have trouble accepting it when somebody compliments you? I do.
I knew I had big problems accepting compliments ...
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February 27th, 2010 6:46 AM
#1
Trouble accepting compliments?
Do you have trouble accepting it when somebody compliments you? I do.
I knew I had big problems accepting compliments all my life. I went into lines of work and activities that produced lots of attention (music and art) but then I could never accept the compliments. I always felt like whatever i did wasn't good enough and that I didn't deserve compliments.
So I did some studying to find what the hell was wrong with me. I learned that children need to be complimented but that only some kinds of compliments work. "Global" type compliments like "Everything you do is great and you are just wonderful" don't work because the kid knows it's bs. Specific compliments like "You did a good job on the lawn" are the best kind.
From my dad, i never got any compliments. From my mother, I got global compliments. I was a confused kid and i grew up to be a confused adult.
I also found out what happens when i don't accept a compliment
1) I am insulting the complimenter and
2) I am depriving myself of emotional fuel that i can use to do more good stuff.
So Now i am practicing saying "Thank you" sincerely whenever i get a compliment.
Does anyone else have big trouble accepting compliments?
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February 27th, 2010 7:56 AM
#2
Re: Trouble accepting compliments?
I know I do. My parents praised what I did, but I never really felt like they took it seriously. I didn't really want to hear just "Oh, that's great!" I wanted to know why or how...what was it she liked, something so I knew my mom actually did read what I wrote/see what I did.
I still have problems accpeting complements because I don't think that I deserve them because of all the awful things about me.
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February 28th, 2010 5:53 AM
#3
Re: Trouble accepting compliments?
I saw a documentary on TV recently where the child psychologist instructed the parents not to give general insincere compliments to the kids. Funny, it was still fresh on my mind when I read your post.
In my opinion compliments are presents that people offer you, provided they are sincere, obviously. You know, not the false ones people give you when they're trying to get something from you. It's a good quality to be able to take compiments and to dish them out.
I personally love compliments, the more the better!
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February 28th, 2010 11:15 PM
#4
Re: Trouble accepting compliments?
I used to have real difficulty accepting compliments. I never knew how to react and would just say nothing and feel really embarrassed. I expect it discouraged people from ever giving me a compliment again! Like you, I had no idea for a very long time that I was insulting the complimenter by reacting in this way.
Learning how to deal with compliments from a social point of view has really helped. Now I know that smiling and saying, "thank you," is what the person is expecting, I am able to give an appropriate response and spend more time thinking about the nice thing that has been said about me, and less time feeling embarrassed and wishing people would stop complimenting me. Good luck with it
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March 1st, 2010 10:59 PM
#5
Re: Trouble accepting compliments?
I have a terrible time accepting compliments, though I know I have times that I truly have craved approval. Basically it comes down to me. As others have said, it comes down to feeling worthy. I've had moments when I have really worked hard with that, but it is natural to go back to this deeply ingrained pattern/habit.I also have a tough time accepting unexpected gifts. Recently someone offered something so generous, and I have to say it threw me back. Over the past week it has been interesting seeing the shift in my thoughts/feelings. In this lifetime I'd like to get past the issue of feeling/believing that I'm unworthy.
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March 8th, 2010 6:03 AM
#6
Re: Trouble accepting compliments?
I do as well, i tend the change the subject straight away
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