Need help.

[Addie]

Hi, my name is Addie. I'm 18 years old and live in Melbourne, Australia. My brother was diagnosed with clinical depression 5 years ago, and that has had a huge impact on my very close family. Over the years my family has let me know more and more about our medical history, and I have learned that my mother and my grandmother also suffer from clinical, chronic depression.

Because of these horrible things that my family members have had to endure, it has always put my problems in rather stark perspective. I did quite well in high school and I'm currently doing a difficult and challenging university degree. When I was five years old my lungs collapsed and since then I have had a very low immune system and struggled with chronic sickness my whole life. But up until a year ago I was just so grateful that no mental problem had plagued me.

For the past year, at the beginning of my final year of school until now, I have been feeling constantly depressed, miserable and down. I have found there is little point to most of life's exercises or trivialities. I have lost interest in things I once loved, things I once found great passion and interest in, such as netball, playing the cello, writing, reading and socialising. I constantly avoid leaving the house or seeing people other than my extended family or my boyfriend. If I have to go out, I have terrible anxiety beforehand, and when I am there I feel terribly self concious and miserable. When I get home I cry and cry and cry and vow never to leave the house again. Before the final year exams at my high school I was healthy, fit and a great weight and size. Over the course of the last year I have gained 15kg and can't stand the sight of myself. I feel constantly depressed, down, with a churning gut and a horrible feeling that everything is going terribly wrong with my life and I can't gain control again.

My mother has tried to help me but I constantly compare myself to what my brother went through and can't feasibly see that I warrant their help. I feel that my parents have been put through enough with my brother so I am trying to deal with this on my own. My mother has tried to get me to see psychologists but I'm too embarrassed and too self conscious to do it. I have tried seeing school counsellors and a psychologist before and it has never really gone that well.

Basically, I'm here hoping that some other people are feeling the way that I do, and we can help each other to feel better. I have wanted to do this by myself, without my family or friends or clinical help, but I think if people could help me here, some things might get a little easier...

Addie.

[Blue]

Hi Addie,

I know you've probably heard this before, but just try and set yourself small achievable goals, plan your day ahead, set small goals for each day.

Depression runs in familys and is passed down the gene line.

Maybe your feeling done because of the challenges in life you are facing in life right now, such as that with your university degree.

If you have not already, it is best to seek medical advice.

It sounds to me like your going through an anxiety crisis, worried about the future maybe.

Seeing a Psychologist or Psychiatrist is nothing to be ashamed or scared of, and you should see one by yourself, and not with your mother.

I would love to see mine, it is a great way to open up, be honest to how you feel.

Please see one! You wont regret it.