What has this medicine done to my life

[Ashes]

There is no way to win if I don't take the meds I either become manic, start hallucinating or go so deep into depression that I am nothing but the ashes of a former life. The remains of what I once was. Taking it I am still depressed and my mind feels numb. I have problems figuring out the simplest of problems. I feel like a record being played on the wrong speed. Something just isn't right. Before the meds I could joke around, my concentration wasn't shot and I actually felt a little intelligent. Now I am nothing but a body waiting until it can sleep again.

[Timothy]

This saddens me to read that your medication is effecting you so negatively. Medication is meant to make you feel better, not worse. I experienced a similar but less severe reaction when i first went on medication for Anxiety and Depression. My concentration was completely ruined which was a really big issue given that i was and still am a student. I don't mean to take away from your experience, i just want you to know that problems with medication are not uncommon. Within a week of feeling as if the medication was making my depression worse, my concentration was ruined and i couldn't uphold the remains of my social life, i went to my doctor and discussed an alternative with her. I then went from one medication to another and have since felt much better. I suggest that you do the same, not every medication will work, everyones minds are different and you will eventually find one that is best for you. What ever you do, never give up!

[pegasus]

Ashes,

You are either on the wrong meds or you don't need them at all.

You describe a fairly OK life pre meds so why are you taking them at all? Decide that first before you try another one.

[Ashes]

Hi, Pegasus.
Its not that my life before meds was normal, my illness has gotten worse as I have aged. I was also diagnosed PTSD after the bipolar. It saddens me to think of life before, before the meds and the unmanageable symptoms of the illness. I have to be on them. I'm too depressed not to be. I also have episodes of delusions and hallucinations. I have also never been hospitalized while on meds. If the medicine doesn't help with any thing at least it seems to ease those but its a high price to pay to lessen the severity of the psychosis. I have tried many different meds over the years and I have tried going without. Being without seems worse at least you can hope to feel better. It is a possibility that I am not on the correct medication but I do believe that with a lot of these types of pills we are stuck with horrible side effects.

[pegasus]

Hi Ashes,

Well that's a lot different from what I had thought I read!!

Long term bp and PTSD. Not dissimilar to me I'm afraid. I've managed to stabilise and have little in the way of side effects. Dry mouth sure but nothing too bad these days. I take Effexor and lithium and it has worked for me for a decade, in between having to try others due to becoming tolerant etc.

Have you tried this combo? Probably as it doesn't work the same for all.

I can surely identify the body waiting for sleep comment, me too. I love sleeping these days and don't make a big deal out of it when I feel like it. Instead I've created a way to turn off the bad thinking by writing a book in my head when I lie down. Done over 400 pages now and nearly done with this one. I found though I couldn't move on with those thoughts until I had physically written meaning I've forced myself to write what I created.

And it's actually not bad! Stopped the bad thoughts too.

What is it that saddens you about life before your illness and meds? Is it that you want it back? I have both very sad and very happy times before my big crack up and now I've stopped obsessing about the sad stuff I mainly think if good times back then. I've grown so used to how I've been now for so long that this is me. This is my life and I can't go back, just forward.

A little Shakespeare? To sleep, perchance to dream!

[Ashes]

Pegasus,
Thanks for the comment. Some days are worse than others I feel more frustrated and down. Yesterday happened to be one of the bad ones. I do have pretty bad side effects though. The doc has me taking 6 different meds a total of 11 pills a day. I just feel like Im taking these meds sometimes and dealing with the effects for no reason because Im still depressed. I tend to get irritated and not think about what they do help with. I suppose its been long enough now that I idealized my old life and have weeded out all of the bad.

[Timothy]

Hey Pegasus,
I am currently on Effexor and it really does work wonders for me, but how long does it take to become tolerant of it? I am beginning to feel my anxiety come back where as before it was nearly all gone for a good 6 months.

[Ashes]

Timothy,
In my history of taking meds I have only found 2 that really worked. They both stopped working within 6 months. The doc had to start changing the dosage and then eventually change the pills. Everyone is different though. Have you talked to your doc or set an apt?

[pegasus]

Hey guys,

Sorry to take so long to respond. I've been pn another site lately and having an awful time dealing with some of those nasties, people who like to fight. I don't back off you see. Anyway.

Ashes,

6 different meds? Mu goodness. I don't know your history but it seems to me you've have to be a genious doc to know how all 6 interact with each other. Do you think you really need that many and what is each one for?

You've said what I'm thinking from reading your first line. You are dealing with so many side effects and yet you have no improvement. Is that right? No improvement or do they make it mentally bearable at least?

I know many people who have said they can't stand the side effects etc but how do they know when it's enough? I'd suggest you do as you've been through the mill clearly. Any thoughts of stopping at least some to find out which one is doing what to or for you?

Old life? Jeez, I can't really remember what that was but I know what you mean. I really feel like how I am and have been for so long is my life and will be.

I also think you've said what many never consider. What you are getting from a med. So many just complain and whinge about meds but the truth is that without them many of us would not be above ground any longer, right?

My thoughts are there for you mate, hoping you get the change you need.

Hey Timothy,

I'm a bit like Ash in this too. Effexor is really the only one that has been reliable for me. With lithium as well. That pair just seem to do the trick.

This is the third time I've been on it in the last 10 years. The first was bringing me back from suicidal and took about a year before it wore out. I went to 550 mgs that time and then had to change.

I can't remember the time frame, possibly 3 years before I said to the doc "Enough of this new rubbish, let's try FX again". And it worked again. It may have been about 9 months that time but I didn't go as high.

This time started about 1.5 - 2 years back now, can't remember it's been so long. Maybe my body is finally adapting or my D has stabilised. Don't care, whatever works, right? I'm very stable, peaceful and even content in many ways. Still depressed and I isolate, stay at home but I have family so it's not lonely. I actually like it like this as people give me the willies.

You say you're beginning to feel the anxiety creep back in. That's what happens to me when I change meds and go without, last about 6 weeks. While still on FX your choices are to discuss a dose increase or drop it, slowly. That can be hard if the anxiety is kicking in. Not sure about taking other meds while coming off FX. I never do as I always try without but when you need it....

Don't know what dose you are on and what sort of doc but a shrink can prescribe up to 600 if needed whereas general docs stop at 300mgs. My choice in your situation would be to go up if you're not already there.

By the way this period I've only been on 300mgs the whole time so it's a real boon to me as I don't see and end. Yet.

Apologies for the slowness. I might stay here from now on I think. Seems like nice people.

[Ashes]

Hey Pegasus,
I have stopped taking 3 of my meds. I stayed on Haldol, Depakote and cogentin. I am feeling better for now and I have a doc apt tomorrow.

[pegasus]

Good luck with the doc mate.

[Jessica]

I have been thinking lately about trying alternative methods, like meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, herbs, etc. Maybe some of these could help you. I definitely think you should discuss with the doctor what to do, and decide if you should go on a different medication, get off of it completely, or whatever you're comfortable with.

[SteveDavid]

Yes its the best advice once you have started then you must try your level best to finish that.

[Steff Martin]

For this purpose we also have to discuss about your past profile and history.Without that it is not possible friend to tell you about the any solution.Because in such a situations history too much matters.

[Abbott]

Hi all,
yeah, i am agree with you.....
very nice!!!

[joyee]

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[tulip]

That is really nice medicine I know because one of mine fried have the same disease that you have...and he consult with doctor and doctor suggest him for this medicine...